All the Words Written
by The-Missing-Paige
Summary: Years after the events of Brotherhood, Edward and Roy have given into romance and are now living together. While trying to make the place a little tidier, Ed finds some letters from Roy to him that he's never seen before…and they remind him that he has some unsent letters of his own. Slow burn.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, or any related characters.**

**Author's Note:**

**Do people even write disclaimers anymore? I'm out of touch ^^'**

**In any case! This fic will have all the spoilers for FMA and FMAB (I will be using mainly Brotherhood as a base, with touches of the 2003 anime for filler-based plot. **

**Due to the nature of the story I am writing, a lot of chapters will be quite short. I'm going to be way more concerned with format than word count, so I apologize in advance if you're a fan of longer chapters. The bright side is short chapters take less time to write, so I can get more out in a timely fashion. Besides, I think once the fic gets going y'all will see why I chose to go with this.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Why was it, Edward wondered, that attics had to be so dusty?

Objectively, it made sense. People store things in attics then forget them, no one cleans the space for ages, and dust builds up. Blah, blah, logic. But Ed, sniffling against yet another sneeze, didn't care about the logic of it; he just cared that it was _annoying_.

He'd been on a mission for a while, now, to clean Roy's house. Check that; _their_ house. The thought still put a smile on his face, even though he'd moved in nearly six months ago, now. Ed just couldn't believe where his life had brought him. From a childhood crush, through all the turmoil, to living with the love of his life. Roy Mustang.

Of course, everyone had faults, and one of Roy's was that he was _not_ a tidy man. Edward had been quite shocked when he'd first moved into the modest home; belongings were strewn _everywhere_, with no method of organization in sight. As time had gone on, Ed discovered Roy had no motivation to fix that, and so it fell to him. Honestly, Edward hadn't minded; there was a certain satisfaction to be had in giving everything a good cleaning and finding a spot for every knick-knack. He'd been able to maintain a fairly positive attitude during his efforts…

Until the attic. Roy hadn't lived in this house for long, having only bought it after his promotion to General. And yet he'd somehow managed to acquire so much _stuff_, which Ed was now sorting through.

It seemed hopeless, and that was no doubt why Roy had just let everything accumulate, but Edward was strong-willed. If he said he was going to clean the attic, dammit, that was what he was going to do. Really, the hardest part was figuring out where to _start_. After a few minutes (and many dusty sneezes), Ed decided the easiest thing to do would be to begin with anything he knew for sure he could throw out. This included anything broken—for example, a cracked hand mirror. Why did Roy even _have_ a hand mirror? Sure, if Ed presented it to his partner, he could fix it with alchemy…but really, it was obviously unneeded if it was in the attic, and it just wasn't worth the effort.

After collecting the broken bits and bobs in a bag, Edward moved on to other garbage. Loose buttons they had no use for, old shoeboxes, miscellaneous screws (Winry would have had a heart attack), and the like. Ed quickly lost himself in his work, next targeting a stack of papers on an old desk. Probably Roy's old grocery lists or something.

So sure was he that they were junk that Edward didn't even read the papers before tossing them—until his name jumped out at him as he shoveled them into the bag.

"'Dear Edward…'" he read aloud, surprised by the words. Ed scanned the document quickly, realizing with some surprise that it was a letter from Roy. Not one that he'd ever read; in fact, it seemed to date back to when they were _both_ in the military…

The letter sparked something familiar in Edward. Looking into his bag, Ed grabbed out the papers he'd already tossed, gathering them in a small pile. And then, rather unlike himself, he abandoned his task. Instead, Edward took the stack in hand and retreated back down the attic hatch, off to find some papers of his own…

* * *

It was many hours later that Roy finally arrived home, hours that Edward had spent in agony trying his utmost to not even _look_ at the letters he'd discovered. If they were anything like the ones he'd snagged from his own belongings (they'd all been wrapped in an old coat and placed on a closet shelf), he didn't want to read them without Roy's permission. So when the door to their home opened, Ed was waiting on the couch, two stacks of papers at the ready. Needless to say, Roy was fairly confused.

"Hey, Ed—um…is everything alright?" Roy cocked his head to the side, one eyebrow raised in a question of it's own. As he frequently found himself, Edward was struck by how attractive his partner was. Even being fourteen years his senior, Roy looked good. Great. But Ed was getting distracted.

"I was cleaning the attic today," he began in explanation, as the other man placed his coat on a hook and removed his boots. "And I found some letters addressed to me. But I've never read them…I wanted to ask about them."

Still looking befuddled, Roy walked over and sat on the couch next to Edward, kissing his cheek in greeting before examining a sheet of paper Ed handed him. As he read through his own words, understanding and recognition dawned in Roy's eyes. "Oh, I remember these! This is a little…embarrassing." An awkward chuckle escaped his mouth. "I, ah…I used to write you letters. Obviously, I didn't send them. It started basically from the moment I met you…somehow, writing to you felt sort of therapeutic, even if you never read what I wrote. There were quite a few…"

Normally, this sort of admission would have garnered some ribbing from Edward, but in this case he had no room to talk. "I guessed it was something like that, to be honest."

Roy's gaze snapped upwards from the words of the past to meet Ed's eyes. "You didn't read these, did you? It's…ugh, I don't even want to _think_ what I said…"

"No, I didn't read them," Edward reassured him. "Actually…" Now it was _his_ turn to be embarrassed. A blush crept across Ed's cheeks, but he tried to speak normally despite the heat in his face. "I did the same thing, if you can believe it. And I still have all of mine."

A spark of mischievous curiosity lit Roy's dark eyes, and in a flash he'd dropped his letter in favor of one that he pulled off of Ed's pile. A "Hey!" of protest did nothing to halt his actions.

"'Colonel…Did you really mean to give me hope?'" Roy read, immediately finding cause for complaint. "Not even a 'Dear Mustang,' huh? At least I was nice in mine…"

"I _was_ nice in mine!" Edward protested, snatching the letter back. "Well, at least later…" Again with the infernal blushing! It was a response that Roy alone seemed to be able to trigger, and it irritated Ed to no end. "Listen, I was thinking…it might be interesting to read them. Each other's, I mean. I'm curious about what you wrote to me, and…I think I want you to read mine as well. If you can be civil," he added quickly.

Now Roy's expression had turned from teasing to tender, and it made Ed want to melt. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't _really _mind if you read mine…"

The faintest smile played across Edward's mouth, anxiety and excitement warring. He was so _curious_, but he was sure he'd written some truly cringe worthy things. Still, what was a relationship if you couldn't be open and honest with each other? "Come on, then, there's a lot to read through."

And the two settled in, switching stacks of paper, hurtling into their past together…


	2. Chapter 2

_Colonel,_

_Did you mean to give me hope? Or were you just using whatever tactics you could as a recruitment technique? I guess it doesn't matter either way. It worked. _

_You probably already know, but I'm going to take the exam. To be a State Alchemist, I mean. See, you might just want to use me as a tool, but I'm going to use you right back. The military is going to be my ticket out of here, me and Al's. Whatever it costs, as long as I can research, as long as I can find a way…nothing else matters. _

_Not gonna lie, before you came calling I was feeling pretty low. I mean…you saw it. I don't have to say it. And what I did to Alphonse...it's unforgivable, and I thought it was unfixable. I've been living on a stupid, arrogant hope for so long. Hope that we could do what no one else could, and rewind time. Take our mother back from the grave. And that night hope went out like a candle. _

_Then you, Mr. Flame Alchemist, show up with a fucking torch. _

_I don't know why I'm bothering to write this. It's not like I'm going to send it; a hell of a first impression, right, sending your new superior a meandering letter. Guess I just wanted to say something that I won't say in person. _

_Probably you just want to exploit us. Me, I guess, since I'll be the one with the title. But that's okay, because whether you meant to or not you did give me hope. Al, too, and that's what counts. _

_So from your new underling…thank you. _

_Edward Elric_

_P.S. What the hell am I supposed to call you? Colonel isn't your technical rank, but Lieutenant Colonel is so long and clumsy-sounding. Flame Alchemist…I get the feeling those titles are more for show than for use, huh? Mustang. I'm not one for ranks, anyway._


	3. Chapter 3

_Greetings, Edward_

_I don't know how to say what I want to say without sounding strange. Maybe it is strange, but I just can't stop thinking about your eyes. _

_See what I mean?_

_But I don't mean that in any weird way; I'm talking about their shine. When I came to offer you the option of becoming a State Alchemist, I didn't know what I was walking into. My office had received a letter about you…well, you know that. What I'm trying to say is that I knew I could be expecting two exceptional young alchemists. I didn't expect them to have attempted the ultimate taboo. _

_It didn't seem like it could hurt, to still extend a hand to you and your brother, but I expected you to be a wreck. More than physically, I anticipated two kids who had gone through what you did…well, I expected you to be broken. _

_And you were, a little. But there was still something in your eyes. I won't lie, I was impressed by the soul bond you managed, and that played a factor in my offer…but more than anything, it was the fact that you still seemed like you had a spark left in you. _

_It grew, too, when you heard me out. I hope you took my words sincerely; while personally I would say getting your bodies back is a long shot, I also know State Alchemists are making new strides in their fields every day. I truly meant it when I said our resources could be helpful to you. To be honest, if anyone can figure out how to fix your predicament, I think you can. _

_It still sounds strange. I'm not sure I will send this letter; I'm not sure I can, actually. It might be frowned upon to deliver something like this, should you pass your exam (which I have no doubt you will). Regardless, I feel sure you would take it the wrong way. _

_But I wish you luck, Edward Elric._

_Signed,_

_Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustand, Flame Alchemist. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Mustang,_

_I've been officially cleared by Winry and Granny. My automail is in "perfect working order." It still feels strange, sometimes, to move an arm that is not exactly my arm. But it works, and I'm grateful for that. Besides, it's better than poor Alphonse. I can hardly complain about functional metal limbs when he's stuck in a suit of armor. _

_He can't sleep, you know. Can't eat either. He tries to stay positive—that's just how Al is—with a list of things he wants to eat again (or to try) when we get his body back. I can't believe how well he handles the burden that's been placed on him. I don't even handle it that well…every day I wake up feeling guilty. Trying to bring our mother back was my idea, which means what Al is going through is all my fault. _

_But, now I'll be able to do something about it. I'm off to take the exam soon. Obviously, I'll pass and become a State Alchemist, and then…well, then I can find a way to keep moving. _

_Sometimes I'm scared that's all I do. When Mom died—the goal was to bring her back. Now that that's gone sour, the goal was to get my automail and get my title. Then, the goal is to get Al's body back. Mine, too, if we can. But it's always a goal. It's like something fucked up happened and now I'm stuck just chasing happiness. _

_Do you think I'll ever find it?_

_Whatever, that doesn't matter right now. The point is to keep going, that's what you said, right? So I'm heading your way. _

_Get ready for Edward Elric, State Alchemist._

_-Ed_


	5. Chapter 5

_Congratulations, Fullmetal Alchemist_

_That is, on your State title. You're a part of the military, now; do you know how seriously you should take that fact? Or are you blinded by your own ambitions? I know a thing or two about that and can only hope you don't make my mistakes. _

_Unfortunately, the truth is that despite how mature you may seem in some ways, you are just a child. I fear you don't see much beyond the scope of your own interests. That will change, over time. I just hope the lesson is not too painful. _

_Regardless, this is meant to be a letter of celebration! Having only seen one successful example of your alchemical skill—that is, the soul bond you created for your brother—I was rather intrigued to see what else you had up your sleeve. I must admit, the simple fact of you not needing a transmutation circle to perform alchemy is impressive. What impressed me more, however, was your audacity. Attacking the Fuhrer! It was obvious to me that you posed no real threat, and besides that, Fuhrer Bradley countered you with ease. But the sheer boldness to make such a move…well, it gave me a good laugh, that's for sure! _

_You must be careful, though. That sort of attitude can be problematic. As long as it is backed by good intentions, I will confess I approve. Spitfires like yourself can go a long way, under the proper guidance. But not everyone is as tolerant as I am, and the wrong word to the wrong person can have dire consequences. _

_Watch yourself, Fullmetal, but move forward with purpose. _

_Signed,_

_Colonel Roy Mustang _


	6. Chapter 6

_Mustang,_

_Are you actually trying to prevent me from succeeding? It seems that every time there's the slightest hint of a lead, you end up sending me somewhere else. What is the point of having this license if it's still doing nothing for me and Al?_

_Even with your interruptions, we've ruled some things out. From what we can gather—and it's not much, considering human transmutation is, ya know, taboo and all that—no one has succeeded. Duh, that's what everyone says, but to confirm it was another thing. No matter how logical and thought-out the approach, no matter how skilled the alchemist…it always goes wrong. _

_It's not an incorrect calculation; it's simple enough to find out what goes into a human body. So the problem must be in the power of alchemy itself. Maybe a soul is just so complicated, it needs more than what we were prepared for. How do you calculate equivalent exchange when part of what must be created is an abstract idea? _

_We think the answer is a supposed myth. But every myth has some truth. A Philosopher's Stone, if we could manage to create one or find one, should amplify mine and Al's alchemic abilities._

_I haven't told Alphonse about the Gate I saw…I haven't told anyone. It's just so hard to explain. But I think reopening that Gate with a Philosopher's Stone would give us enough power to retrieve our bodies from the other side. The Stone would negate the necessity of equivalent exchange, so we wouldn't have to give anything else up. _

_It's a long shot, but it's better than nothing. Just stop getting in our way. _

_-Ed_


	7. Chapter 7

_Edward,_

_Lately, you seem angrier than normal. You're well known about the office now for your temper, but this is different. I wish I didn't, but I think I know why._

_When we first met, you might have been called petulant (underneath the exterior trauma, that is). But I don't think you disliked me; at least, I would hope that wasn't the case. And yet now I sense a distinct animosity from you. I don't have to be a genius to figure out that you're upset when I have to send you off on a task that doesn't directly relate to your own goals. _

_It's just my job, as it is yours to follow my orders. Obviously, though, you have been taking that personally. _

_I knew it would be hard for you to grasp the concept of being a dog of the military. Even now, what you are being made to do is minor, merely a scratch on the surface of what us dogs have been forced into before. Though I am not a religious man, I pray you never have to be used as that sort of weapon. _

_Patience is all you need. Distractions are inconvenient, yes, but you have not been derailed by any means from your path. Patience is a virtue, and a learned one at that. I can only hope you learn it soon; the constant arguing is exhausting. Frankly, I think I would enjoy your company more if you were to keep just a little quieter. _

_One really must choose their battles. You seem to be choosing all of them; if that energy weren't directed at me, I daresay I'd be delighted by such tenacity. As it is…give me a break, Fullmetal. I am doing all that I can for the big picture. You and your brother are included in that. I just wish you would have faith. _

_Signed,_

_Colonel Roy Mustang_


	8. Chapter 8

_Mustang,_

_The Freeze Alchemist, huh? They need to get more creative with these names. Flame, Freeze, Strong Arm…pretty boring. Fullmetal is at least a little different. _

_I'm glad he's been dealt with, though I wish he could have been brought in alive. I don't like the thought of having to kill someone to do my job, but I guess if you work for the military that just comes with the territory. _

_When me and Al were chasing him, he was saying some pretty crazy stuff. Not a whole lot made sense to me, but he mentioned Ishval several times. He sort of made it sound…you're going to think I'm crazy. But the way he talked, it was like McDougal thought he was some sort of revolutionary, shining light on the crimes of the government. _

_Everyone knows about Ishval, though, so it's not like he had some big secret up his sleeve, yeah? Maybe if you didn't patronize me so much I'd ask you about the war. I guess I'll just have to make do with researching in the library instead. _

_If the military was hiding anything about Ishval, anything to do with alchemy…you would have told me, right?_

_-Ed_


	9. Chapter 9

_I was right, Mustang!_

_Well, sort of. You'll read all about it in my report, but I'm just so excited. For the first time, it feels like we are inches away from an answer. _

_The Philosopher's Stone is real. The crazy priest in Liore had…well, he sort of had one. It seemed like some sort of copy or something. It disappeared before I could get my hands on it…but even if it wasn't a pure Stone, it did prove that me and Al aren't crazy. It is real. _

_The one he had was enough for him to do away with the law of equivalent exchange. If we can find out more about it…maybe we don't even need a perfect Stone to get our bodies back. Even if we do, this is a hell of a lead. _

_There's something else, though. The girl we met in Liore, Rose. She scared the shit out of me. Not that she was threatening or anything…she was just sad. It was like looking into a mirror. Just like me and Al, all Rose wanted was to bring her loved one back to life, and she was willing to believe in a god if that meant it was possible. I guess I was the same, only the god I believed in was myself. _

_I thought I was better than everyone else. Fuck, I was a prideful little shit! And all it got us was trouble. My stupid fat head is the reason Al is stuck like that…I honestly can't believe he never blames me for what happened. Guess he really is the better brother. _

_I guess it helped, though, to see what I was like. I hope she's okay. She has to learn to move forward, just like we did. Now we have something to work towards, and I hope she can find that too. _

_Just passing along the message you gave us, when we first met. That's poetic, or something. Did someone have to tell you to keep going? Or did you just have the strength yourself? _

_You irritate the shit out of me, but sometimes…ONLY sometimes…I guess I admire you a little. _

_It's a good thing I don't send these, your ego doesn't need anymore stroking. _

_-Ed_


	10. Chapter 10

_Edward, _

_Little as I might like to admit it, I think I may be getting old. I simply can't believe I hadn't thought to introduce you to Shou Tucker before now. _

_True, he's a fairly new State Alchemist, but the moment I heard of him I should have sent you his way. Well, no matter; I'll be introducing you to the Sewing-Life alchemist soon enough. _

_He's a bit of an odd fellow, but no one else in our field (at least, that I'm aware of) knows quite as much about biological transmutation as he does. If you can believe it, he actually produced a talking chimera! That alone should get your blood boiling, eh? Perhaps some of his studies can be useful to you and Al as well. _

_It's a childish notion, but I can't help but hope you will think more kindly of me if I throw you this metaphorical bone. I'm not unused to animosity, but coming from within my own team…I find it unsettling. What's more annoying is that I am truly trying to help you; maybe this introduction will make you believe me. _

_At the very least, I hope it leaves you feeling a little more optimistic. I don't like your glum expression. _

_Regards,_

_Colonel Roy Mustang_


	11. Chapter 11

_Mustang,_

_You know I'm a pretty talkative person. But even though I'm just writing this down…I don't really know what to say. _

_I thought Shou Tucker would be an asset. His notes were fascinating. Nina was more important though. She was so sweet, and innocent. Seeing her and playing with her showed me and Al a light side to life we've been missing for a long time._

_Of course that bastard had to fucking ruin it. Ruin her. _

_Every time I think about it I want to throw up. I have, a few times. Is…is that what it means? To be a dog of the military? To be so desperate for results you would destroy your own daughter? _

_I'm not blind. I see the similarities. I did the same thing, destroying Al's body just to see if I could do the impossible. It makes me wonder if that's how you saw me. When we first me. Did I look like Shou Tucker to you? _

_I just vomited in my mouth a little. _

_And you…how could you be so calm about it all? How could you be so jaded? I would like to think you're not sick enough to have known beforehand what was happening. Not that cruel. Surely… But then, is the apathy any better than outright cruelty? _

_When I'm not so angry, it makes me…a little scared for you. What did you have to go through to see what happened to Nina and not bat an eye? What do you do on the daily to be so unbothered? I've realized I know nothing about you. _

_I know I'm fucked up. I'm a wreck. I know I'm not okay…are you?_

_-Ed_


	12. Chapter 12

_Edward..._

_I am not too proud a man to admit that I feel fear. In fact, I believe accepting fear and pushing past it makes for a stronger person than those who would pretend they can ignore it._

_Therefore, I am not afraid to say that I felt fear today. When the reports started coming in that someone was targeting State Alchemists, it made me nervous. And yet I had confidence that should I cross paths with this man, I could take him on. Well, I call it confidence. Others may say arrogance. _

_To my great shame, I never considered you until it was too late. Up until the moment I saw you fighting that man…it was the first time I'd felt a twinge of regret about bringing you to the military. You're little more than a child! And I'm the reason you were put in that sort of danger…_

_Worse than all that, though, was how you just gave up. In order to save Alphonse, you were willing to let yourself be killed. On the surface, that might seem a noble notion, but I think I see deeper. Al wouldn't want you to do something like that, and I would like to think the Ed I know would never stop fighting. That's what I tried to instill in you. _

_So why would you surrender so easily? Just because you lost your automail arm? Al isn't a State Alchemist, so he would, in theory, be safe regardless so long as he didn't get in between that man (they're calling him Scar, now) and you. Considering the state of him, he couldn't have hampered Scar's attempts on your life, so he was already safe regardless of what you did. With that being the case, you had other options. Try to keep fighting, try to run away…_

_Instead, you essentially chose suicide. Why do you want to die, Edward? Why is that a bearable concept for you?_

_I don't know why you're feeling this way. Not to say I don't understand why you could, but…I thought you had hope. I'll have to keep a closer eye on you; I don't want to see anything happen to you, Ed. Hopefully Alphonse managed to smack some sense into you. _

_Please, Edward. Stay alive. _

_Thoughts with you,_

_Colonel Roy Mustang_


	13. Chapter 13

_Colonel…_

_I feel sort of silly, now. I should have known before. Better late than never, I guess. _

_I learned all about the war in Ishval, and…I'm so sorry. No wonder you always try to beat it into me that we're nothing but dogs; you experienced that in the worst way, right? I understand better now how it was so easy for you to tell me to keep going when we first met. You had firsthand experience! _

_Before I wondered what had happened to you, and now I know. Now…ugh, I so don't want to tell you I respect you. But I do. And admire you. Fuck me, am I right?_

_It's just impressive, how you were used as a human weapon in such a bloodbath and you're still so determined. Instead of letting that experience beat you down, you're using it to fuel your ambition to reach higher ranks and make a change (at least, I hope that's the case, and that you're not just a power-hungry bastard). Now you're keen on protecting the people around you from having to face similar troubles. Good shit. _

_Although, I also learned about the Philosopher's Stones that were used in Ishval. You knew of them all this time, and you didn't say anything. Why not? Why would you keep such obviously pertinent information from me? _

_At the moment I'm feeling good about you, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. I mean, you only saw the Stones used in destruction; maybe you just didn't think of them being used in a good way? Or maybe you didn't want me to ask you how you knew what they are capable of…_

_Either way, I'll let it slide. This time. _

_-Ed_

_P.S. Don't get used to me being nice to you. You're still an arrogant asshole. _


	14. Chapter 14

_Colonel,_

_More answers and more questions. I guess it doesn't matter because you'll never read this, but in any case I won't mention names or places. _

_I met a doctor who knew a thing or two about Philosopher's Stones. I felt kinda bad…he really didn't want to talk to me or Al about them, but what can I say, I'm pushy. Turns out he'd researched them for some time, and is now using one like those used in Ishval to heal people. So they can be used for good, ha! _

_At first he flat out denied our request to see his notes. See, he claims he discovered the secret of creating a true Stone—one that doesn't get used up or broken. Which is exactly what we need! I don't know if me and Al just seemed pathetic, or if he appreciated that we were willing to honor his wishes as little as we wanted to…but he changed his mind. _

_Again, won't be telling you where, but the doc told us how to find his notes. So that's where we're off to now. _

_We're so close. Maybe just days away from a solution. For the first time I'm actually thinking about what I'll do when I have my arm and leg back. For so long, me and Al have been on this rollercoaster. Now that we might be able to step off, I don't know what to think or what to do. _

_But I know I'm excited. _

_-Ed_


	15. Chapter 15

_Ed,_

_If you can believe it, I've managed to make myself feel guilty for not writing to you as often as I used to. That's a rather absurd sentiment, considering you have never and likely will never read a word of what I have written to you. Even so, being caught up in affairs of state makes me feel like I'm neglecting you. _

_There's not even much to say! We are still looking for Scar, but have not been able to find him. Some signs indicated he may have left East City, which would mean he is at least out of our hair. Then again, he so far has proven to be determined and crafty, as well as unbothered by taking life in order to accomplish his goals. With that being said, we may be able to relax a little, but I would still offer a word of caution to you. _

_Life is always busy as a Colonel (not that you believe that; I know you think I spend my days dilly-dallying around!), but I'll try to make time more often to update you on the various goings-on around here. Doing so has no practical purpose, and even if it did I doubt you would have much interest. _

_Still. I suppose I enjoy even pretending to communicate with you. How pathetic of me!_

_Embarrassedly yours, _

_Colonel Roy Mustang_


	16. Chapter 16

_Mustang…_

_What the fuck is the point? _

_We did it, me and Al. We discovered how to make a Philosopher's Stone. It took days, ya know. The doctor's notes were coded. But we did it. It's pretty simple alchemy, actually, with just one special ingredient. _

_Human souls. As many of them as you can get your hands on. The more souls, the more power. _

_I feel so broken. This knowledge…to think we spent all this time, looking for a solution, and we're presented with this. I know it's stupid to think the universe even gives a shit about me, but it really does feel like I just can't fucking win. Is this the true atonement? Maybe the leg and Al's body were just a starting payment. Maybe the real price we are paying for the ultimate sin is a continuous cycle of hope being torn away. _

_How long do you think we can keep handling this? _

_What's worse…this guy, this doctor…he was military. You guys used Stones in Ishval. Is…is that why you never told us? Did you also find out what was powering your alchemy back then? Maybe you just didn't want us to go down that road at all. Or maybe you never knew what was happening. _

_I want to just wallow in self pity for a while. But of course I can't; with everything we've learned, now there's all these questions. Scary fucking questions. _

_It would be too easy for me to just not bother asking them. Not so long ago, I wouldn't have. I would've just moved on in my journey, and damn everyone and everything else. I guess I'm growing up, huh?_

_Time to go get some answers. _

_-Ed_


	17. Chapter 17

_Mustang,_

_I've sure you've heard bits and pieces about the 5__th__ lab incident. None of the important stuff, but you had to have heard some whispers. _

_Or maybe you do know more. And that's the problem. _

_I'm really glad I don't send these letters. The military is up to something. I don't know who all is involved, or how far it goes. I don't even know fully what's going on, but it's not good. So…what if you're involved?_

_I hate to think that. You're a bastard sometimes, but I think—thought—that you tried your hardest. You seemed to do what was right, and you seemed to genuinely care about me and Al, and everyone under your command. But I guess it could have been an act. I might not know for sure for a while._

_I fucking hate not being able to trust you. I just can't take any chances. _

_I hope to hell I'm wrong. _

_-Ed_


	18. Chapter 18

_Edward,_

_My hand is shaking, so pardon me if this is not as coherent as I usually aim to be in my letters. I find I'm having a rather hard time coping, you see. _

_In any other situation, I'd be referring by title to Maes Hughes. Now, he's gone, and at least in this personal writing…I don't find it necessary anymore. _

_Maes is dead, and I don't know what to do with myself. He was a companion, a dear friend, a wonderful father…I could go on for pages talking about all the reasons the world was better off with him in it. It still wouldn't change anything. _

_It has been a very long time since I've cried, Edward. With my line of work, there is so much I see that should make me cry. In truth I suppose I've become somewhat jaded; I can't allow myself time to wallow in sadness when I have my duties. With Maes…I can't stop myself. _

_Lieutenant Hawkeye will never admit to seeing it, thank goodness, but I couldn't hold back a few tears at the funeral. That was nothing compared to the night, however. Lying there, imagining nothing but Maes stuck in the ground…oh, it still hurts to think about. _

_He's not the first person I've lost, but he is the first person close to me that has died in…well, ages. I've lost troops and I've lost acquaintances, but never in my adult life have I lost someone so important to me as Maes was. I don't know what to do with myself. _

_How long does it take for this pain to leave, Ed? Or do you still not have the answer to that question? _

_Signed, _

_Roy Mustang _

_P.S. And how in the world am I supposed to break this awful news to you? I can't bare the thought of putting this grief onto your shoulders as well…_


	19. Chapter 19

_Edward,_

_As you will soon know, I am being transferred to Central. A few strings had to be pulled, but I've managed to get the rest of the team permission to come with me. Of course, the decision was ultimately up to them, and it was with delight I learned that each and every one of them agreed to the move. _

_For you, the difference means nothing of significance. Your position is such that you are constantly traveling. You'll still be reporting to me, but considering your incessant roving, the location you come to in order to make those reports is of little matter. _

_Yet it does make me wonder. Hawkeye, Havoc, Fuery, Breda, Falman…they all were willing to up and leave their lives in East City in order to follow me. Though I may not be the best at expressing it, that sort of loyalty and trust means more than I can say. Do you have that same devotion? _

_I will likely never have an answer to that question, but I can't help but continue to ask it. If it was a choice for you as well, would you also follow my lead so unthinkingly? _

_At the present moment, I don't think you would. I haven't heard much from you, lately. _

_No matter; I'll merely consider that a goal, then. My aim is to gain enough of your trust that you would do what the rest of the team has. _

_Maybe that sounds a bit egotistical. Rather, I want to earn that trust from you. I want to be that important to you. Does that make it sound better? Regardless, that's what I've set my sights on, and as you know, I accomplish my goals. _

_Yours,_

_Roy Mustang_


	20. Chapter 20

_Mustang,_

_I'm…scared. Ugh, I hate to even write that down. But something weird is going on. _

_I met a homunculus. Yeah, crazy, right? But he really was…a created human. Superhuman, actually. His name was Greed, and he had this wild "ultimate shield" made of a carbon coating on his body. Impossible to penetrate, unless you alchemically altered it first. Pretty cool, plus he was…semi-immortal. And honestly if I'd been able to talk to him calmly, I might have been able to learn something useful from him. Instead, he caused a bit of trouble. _

_Well, more than a bit. Fuhrer King Bradley even showed up! And…he said he killed Greed. I have no idea how he managed to do that, considering the only way I was able to hurt him was by altering his carbon, and then striking. But I saw Greed take a shot to the head (unshielded) and his flesh just…came back. So how the hell did the Fuhrer manage to destroy him? And even if he could, why? Wouldn't interrogating him be much more useful? _

_It's all so confusing. Nothing seems to add up, but this foreboding feeling just keeps growing in me…_

_Something is so, so not right, Mustang. What do I do? What can I do about something I don't even understand?_

_I wish I could know for sure that you were clean, so I could ask for your advice._

_-Ed_


	21. Chapter 21

_Edward,_

_It seems you've been keeping some secrets from me. A certain serial killing little bird told me all about your adventures at the 5__th__ laboratory, and all that you discovered there. How could you not report it to me? _

_More importantly, the implications of the production of Philosopher's Stones. I never knew…I never could have guessed how the military was producing them for Ishval. What's more, I absolutely would not have thought there were still experiments going on so recently. This is all way above my head (which I find quite irritating). _

_From what I can glean, it sounds like you're having some trouble discerning who within the military you can trust. I must assure you, I am one of those people. I had nothing to do with this depravity, and now that I have knowledge of it, I will be doing everything in my power to get to the bottom of this conspiracy. _

_That's what you're trying to do now, right? I'm happy to join you on this quest, though for your safety I may have to keep you a little more in the dark than you would like. I'm sorry in advance, Edward, but when dealing with problems of this magnitude, I'd rather keep you out of the direct line of fire. _

_Yours, _

_Roy Mustang_

_P.S. Regarding the use of souls in creating the Philosopher's Stone…Ed, I'm sorry. Truly. I know you had a lot of hope riding on the Stone, but I also know you would never hurt others to accomplish your mission. You must be despairing now; you'll find another way, though. I know you will. _


	22. Chapter 22

_Mustang,_

_How could you? How could you not tell me?_

_Hughes…fuck, he was such a good man. So kind and caring and helpful…and he was fucking murdered. _

_Why the hell would you hide that from me? We had to find out by accident, which by the way, fucking sucked. We were going to go visit him, you know; instead we got to visit his widow. Really, did you think you were doing me a favor? What reason could you possibly have for keeping something like that secret? _

_It makes me think I've been right to keep everything I'm learning from you. _

_Poor Gracia…hell, poor Elicia! I know what it's like to grow up without a father…at least Elicia will have the small comfort of knowing her dad was a great person. Still, though…such a sweet family didn't deserve to be torn apart. _

_You were close to Hughes, right? I hope you're helping take care of his wife and daughter. _

_-Ed_


	23. Chapter 23

_Edward,_

_It appears I have an uncanny ability to misjudge any situation concerning you. Truly, I believed hiding the truth around Maes's death would be for the best. First off, given the suspicious circumstances, I thought it would keep you out of the trouble that is bound to result. Second off, I…didn't want to hurt you. That was a stupid thing to think, given that it would be entirely impossible to prevent you from learning the truth eventually, but I simply couldn't see your face fall when you learned of his death. You've seen so much already, and I didn't want to be the one to add to your grief. _

_In perfect hindsight, I can now see that was rather selfish of me, and all I've done is manage to hurt you even more so. _

_What is it about you, hmm? Normally I like to think I have solid judgement in most circumstances, but with you…I seem to always be making the wrong choices, when what I want the most is to make the right ones. It's worrisome and frustrating. _

_I'll have to find some way to make it up to you. _

_Yours, _

_Roy Mustang_


	24. Chapter 24

_I can't believe I trusted you…_

_You're a murderer. Nothing but a cold hearted, power hungry, piece of shit murderer. _

_Ross was a good person, and she never did anything to you. One genuine conversation with her would have told you she is…was…completely incapable of being disloyal. And you fucking killed her. _

_I don't really believe in the afterlife, but I hope I'm wrong. I hope Ross haunts you for the rest of your miserable fucking life. I hope you can't fall asleep at night without seeing her face and knowing you're the worst kind of military dog and a coward to boot. I hope you feel guilty and I fucking hope that guilt eats you alive, you bastard._

_And to think I ever admired you. Ever thought you could be someone good. Ha! As if. _

_Fuck you, Mustang. Just fuck you. _


	25. Chapter 25

_Edward…_

_It is with deepest regret that I found myself in a predicament involving, of course, you. What else would it be? I had to make a split-second decision, and my choices were to either tell you the truth (as much of it as I've uncovered, at least), or to deceive you as well as the brass. If I told you the truth, you may have come under fire should my trickery be revealed, and you'd also be involved further in this mess than you already are. And if I were to lie to you…well, it's not a white lie, that's for sure. I knew what consequences this choice would bring, and still I had to make it. _

_Better for you to hate me until I know it is safe to tell you the actuality of the situation, than for me to risk your life and career as well as my own. _

_We are playing a dangerous game, you and I, although I don't know if you realize quite how high the stakes might be. I've always been ambitious, but I've also always harbored a bit of a rebellious streak, and so it's nothing much for me to take risky action. I don't mind taking on an insurmountable foe, because if I succeed, I will have gained much, and if I fail, I will most likely perish. With my own life, I am wiling to make that gamble, but with yours I am not. _

_I did not murder Ross, as you believe. I've in fact ferried her away to safety. I could not let an innocent die, but I also must play the part of obedient Colonel until I know just what powers that be have been corrupted. _

_As of this moment, I believe my story has been accepted. Once I'm assured of this, I have every intention of telling you the truth. For one thing, though I am loathe to involve you in something of this magnitude, you've already involved yourself and so it is a moot point. Furthermore (and oh, do I hate to admit this!) I simply cannot accept a future in which you despise me so. _

_Don't worry, Ed; your time is coming. One day you will understand how a chess master must play, thinking moves ahead rather than acting rashly. _

_Yours, _

_Roy Mustang_


	26. Chapter 26

_Colonel, _

_I feel fucking dumb. Also relieved…I now know with utmost certainty that I really can trust you. _

_Seeing Ross alive was absolutely surreal. I can't believe you managed to pull a fake off! And I really can't believe I bought it. _

_I just never know what to think of you. One moment you seem so sincere, and the next moment so cold and distant. I've always wondered which version is the real you, and I guess this tells me the truth more clearly than words ever could. Don't get me wrong, you're still an asshole, but you care more about people than you'd like to let on. Now that I know the bastard Colonel is just an act, I think we can get along a little better. _

_At least, I definitely have more respect for you. _

_Ugh, I'm so embarrassed. I know everyone—Breda and Havoc and all them—was in on your plan, so obviously they trusted you. But I feel so stupid for not thinking that maybe you had something up your sleeve. I guess I really am just a dumb kid, and that's so not how I'd like you to see me. _

_You've sent me all this way out in the desert so I won't be in your way while you conduct more of your little schemes. I hope one day soon you'll be involving me, instead of trying to keep me from fucking everything up. Now that you've well and truly proven yourself…I won't always like it, but I'll follow your lead, Colonel. _

_-Ed_


	27. Chapter 27

_Edward,_

_You missed quite a lot. Not that I'm upset about it…to be honest, for a minute there, I thought I was dead. _

_The entire time, all I could think was that I'd failed my team. When Lust attacked me, and I was bleeding out…I knew it was likely she would kill everyone else as well. Havoc was already on the ground, and I had no idea if he would make it. Do you know how hard it is to burn yourself? Do you know how hard it is to stay conscious as you cauterize a wound that ought to end your life? _

_It certainly takes a lot of motivation, and right then the team was mine. Lieutenant Hawkeye lost it a bit; she would have been murdered if I'd not intervened when I did. And Havoc…well, his life has been irrevocably changed. I can't deny that, nor will I try to; in fact, I will carry the guilt of his injury for the rest of my life. It was only due to his loyalty to me that Havoc has become paralyzed. Though he doubtless feels differently at the moment, I am just grateful he is still with us. _

_I'm not telling you this to gloat (I know this does sound rather boastful, but bear with me). I'm writing this to try to explain how much I will do for those who stand beside me. _

_You weren't there, Edward. But I hope you know I would fight just as hard to protect you. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Roy Mustang _


	28. Chapter 28

_Colonel,_

_I…saw my father today. I don't even remember how many years its been since I saw his face. And I wanted to be happy, but all I felt was resentment. It's dumb, but I feel like if he had stuck around, maybe my mom wouldn't have died. Maybe he could have helped her, or maybe even just having him there would have given her a little more strength. Like I said, dumb. Still, I can't help feeling that way. _

_He didn't even really try to explain or apologize or…anything. Obviously, he's still alive, but he's so fucking useless I feel like me and Al would be better off if he was dead, too. Then we wouldn't have this stupid hope that maybe he can really be a dad to us. _

_Fuck me. Figures that on top of everything else I would have goddamn Daddy issues. _

_Whatever, I just wanted to vent about it. _

_-Ed_


	29. Chapter 29

_Colonel,_

_This is going to sound so fucked up, so I'm just going to say it: I dug up the thing me and Al transmuted. _

_I know it sounds crazy, but I just…had to know. And guess what? It wasn't even our mom. Me and Granny did it, and we measured the bones and found some of the hair off that thing's head. The femurs were way too long, the pelvis looked to be male, and it had black hair. None of which matches up with Mom. _

_And it was gross and sick and a horrible reminder of that day, but I also feel so free now. Me and Al have always thought, since that thing took a single breath before it died, that we managed to bring our mother halfway back to life only to kill her. Knowing that it wasn't her…our blood couldn't recreate her soul. We made a living thing, and it died, and that's awful. But we didn't make our mom die two deaths and I feel so, so much better. _

_Yes, we committed a horrible sin, and we are paying dearly for it. Now, though…we know only we were hurt from our decisions. I didn't know how good it would be to know that. _

_I finally feel like I can truly move forward, with nothing pulling me back. And even though the future is uncertain and full of threats, it's looking brighter to me now._

_-Ed_


	30. Chapter 30

_…Roy…_

_I didn't like to see you in the hospital. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad everyone made it out of there alive, but it felt so wrong to see you in that bed. You're such a strong figure, seeing you injured felt like a bad dream. _

_Is that how you feel every time I'm in the hospital? I doubt it._

_You're going to have a wicked scar now, huh? And Havoc…I'm sure you can tell, but he is really not taking his injury well. I don't blame him; at least with my arm and leg, I could get automail and still move around. He won't have that opportunity. _

_I trust that you'll be focusing on making sure he knows you still value him, but try to spend some time getting yourself better, too. I want you back in uniform and irritating me again as soon as possible. _

_-Ed_


	31. Chapter 31

_Ed,_

_I very much appreciated your visit yesterday. I'm so used to coming to see you in the hospital, it was quite strange for the tables to be turned! But I'll admit your timing was impeccable._

_As glad as I am (as I've written before) that Havoc is alive and mostly well, I was having a pretty bad day in terms of guilt. It was weighing on me quite heavily. Given my current situation as well as his own, I just feel so…helpless. Yes, I saved him and myself, but he's hurt, and I can't help. And since I'm stuck in this place, I also can't do anything useful for the time being. It's not a feeling I'm used to. _

_Your coming through made the day more bearable. Seeing your fresh, determined face kept me from losing too much hope. I can't expect you to come in and reinvigorate me every day, so I suppose I'll just have to heal up fast so I can be out there, fighting alongside you. _

_Don't get in too much trouble until I can do just that, okay? _

_Yours,_

_Roy Mustang _


	32. Chapter 32

_Colonel,_

_Capturing Gluttony sure was a hell of an achievement, eh? I know this is super serious and all, but it was kinda fun to work with you like that. I'm so used to it just being me and Al against the world. I've been learning lately that letting people in to help makes everything easier, but this was…really great. It felt like the whole team was just like a well-oiled machine (Winry would love that comparison!), and…I dunno. _

_It sounds dumb, but getting to be a part of all this makes me feel more whole inside. At least I know I'm not alone. _

_Not to say it wasn't scary. I sure as hell wasn't happy to go toe to toe with Scar again. Especially after learning that he was the one who killed Winry's parents. She's family to me, we grew up together, and seeing her hurt like that…_

_Your team is like your family, right? To me, it seems like being family is absorbing all of someone's heart and feeling it as your own. The joy…and the pain. It's hard enough to have that connection with Al, and with Winry. How in the world do you have enough room in your body to care like that for everyone under you? _

_I'm impressed…and I hope I can be counted as a part of that, too._

_-Ed_


	33. Chapter 33

_Colonel,_

_I can't believe I'm writing this from…inside a homunculus. Right now, I'm in Gluttony's stomach with Ling. He thinks I'm mad, wasting time in here writing a letter. But we've been walking forever, and we needed to rest anyway. I know I'll feel better if I get my thoughts out to you. _

_Who'd have thought this whole thing goes literally to the top? I sure know how to pick fights…_

_Homunculi on the street were bad enough, but to know one is leading our country is hard to swallow. Saying it, writing it, it doesn't feel real. If I were anyone else, I might be cowering in my boots. Like, who is brave enough to take down the Fuhrer? Who has enough guts to be involved with that sort of operation, with the odds so egregiously stacked against them? (Besides you, you crazy bastard!)_

_But me and Al are already fighting a seemingly impossible fight. What's one more? When you're trying to get a body back from Truth itself, homunculi don't seem so difficult anymore. _

_I will get out of here. Ling is beginning to think there isn't a way—and maybe he's right. But fuck it, I've broken the laws of god and man and if there isn't a way, I'll make one. _

_See you soon._

_-Ed_

_P.S. Given what we know about Bradley now, you really would be a better Fuhrer!_


	34. Chapter 34

_Edward,_

_What I've learned today is…troubling, to say the least. I don't even know where to begin. _

_Before you were introduced to our conversation, the Fuhrer was telling me how he came to be a homunculus. He was born a human, underwent severe training, and was then transformed. The whole tale was shocking, but that wasn't what struck me the most. No, I was more preoccupied with how much I resonated with Bradley's past. While I like to think that I wouldn't have made the same decisions and would never accept such evil into myself, I have that same ambition. The attitude of doing whatever it takes to beat out the competition and make it to the top. I claim to be climbing the ranks for the right reason, but I'm afraid of what may be hiding deep down inside of me. What if I'm truly as rotten as Bradley was, and this is all for my personal gain?_

_Pushing my own concerns aside, the team has been split up. The idea being, obviously, to isolate each of us in order to prevent us causing too much trouble. We work as pieces of a whole mechanism, and the Fuhrer has just taken us all apart. Not to say that we won't manage, but without everyone near me, I worry more than ever for their safety. _

_I'm glad I can at least keep an eye on you. I know we both promised to keep our heads down, but I fully intend to break that promise. I like to think you do, too. _

_Let's raise a little hell, shall we?_

_Yours,_

_Roy Mustang _


	35. Chapter 35

_Colonel,_

_Fucking hell, what a day. _

_As it turns out, Gluttony is basically a fake Gate of Truth, the thing I saw when me and Al tried to bring back our mom. I had to open the real Gate again to get us out (don't worry—as you saw, I've still got all my pieces this time around). I had to use souls from Envy's body…I justified it because I could see how much pain they were in. Even the nothingness of death would have been better than that. It didn't hurt that it was a way to get back to Al, a way to come back and help you. Guess I'm just a complete piece of shit. _

_It did give me an important bit of information, though. While traveling through the Gate, I saw Al's body. It's still there! His body isn't healthy, but it's still alive. It says it can only leave the Gate with Al, though…I was forced to leave it behind. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I imagined your face when you came to us the first time and gave us hope, and…it made it a little easier. You were right, then; there is a way to fix this. So I knew that was still true. _

_When I got through, we met the man I think is running the show, above even Bradley. He called himself "Father," and…Colonel, he looked just like my dad. I don't know what that means, but I didn't like it. _

_And then, as if all that wasn't enough, I had to deal with the Fuhrer! It made me sick to think that the entire State Alchemist program was just a way for these people to find cannon fodder for whatever they're planning. I don't want to be a part of it, but I don't have a choice. _

_It's funny, that caring for other people in the military is almost…easier. Like you—just for example! You know what's going on and what we're up against and how to defend yourself. So I worry about you, but I also know you're in the best possible position, all things considered. But Winry…she doesn't know everything that's been happening, and while she has a lot of strength, she's no fighter. I can't let her get hurt, and Bradley was able to use that against me. _

_But I guess you had the right idea: fight from within. I'm with you all the way. _

_-Ed_


	36. Chapter 36

_Colonel,_

_If one good thing was to come out of the past couple of days, it's that me and Al may have a new lead on what to do about our bodies. When we were with Father, our alchemy didn't work—he did something to the energy and we couldn't do anything. But there was a little girl with us, May. She's from Xing, and she could still use their version of alchemy (they call it alkahestry, weird, huh?). _

_She's disappeared, now, but we got wind she's headed north. We've got to find her; if her alkahestry wasn't affected by Father's…whatever he did, then maybe it works differently enough from our alchemy to be useful in getting our bodies back. _

_So that's where we're off to—but don't think this means we're abandoning your cause, or anything. We know full well something's got to be done about Father and the homunculi. So keep us updated, Colonel._

_I still want to help you._

_-Ed_


	37. Chapter 37

_Edward, _

_I'm feeling nostalgic, today. It's hard to believe I've gotten old enough to feel that way! With everything that's happening, though, it has me looking back on the good old days (I can't stand that I just wrote that, what an old man I am!). _

_Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe you've ever heard anything about when I first became a solider. To be fair, I don't talk about it often. Thinking of that time, now, I was so idealistic!_

_See, I was actually training under Lieutenant Hawkeye's father, Berthold. He was an incredibly intelligent man, and he taught me everything I know about alchemy. Once I'd completed my training, I decided to join the military. Naively, I believed that I could change this country from the inside. That by taking on the uniform, I could help and protect the citizens of Amestris and particularly the people I cared for. _

_He thought I was a fool. I did my utmost to convince him to join me in my expenditure, to become a State Alchemist (I was just a regular soldier at the time) and work with me. _

_Berthold only chastised me further. Most people I spoke to seemed to agree with him. I wonder, did they somehow see what was happening in the military? Did they know how us dogs would be used? Or was it just some sort of intuition, or knowledge from experience?_

_Whatever it was, they were right._

_Don't get me wrong, I still have every intention of attempting to complete my goals. I suppose I still have some of that naivete inside me, huh?_

_Yours, _

_Roy Mustang_


	38. Chapter 38

_Colonel, _

_I had a chat with Lieutenant Hawkeye today. It was kinda weird to see her outside of work; she's so much calmer!_

_We talked a lot about you—all bad things, as you'd expect. Okay, okay, I'm kidding. Actually, it made me admire you more. _

_I knew you wanted to be Fuhrer one day—you're not that great at hiding your ambition, ya know—but I never knew why. You really are a dreamer, huh, Colonel? Take over the entire country just so you can improve it!_

_Making Amestris a democracy is an idea I can get behind. Especially with all we're finding out about the military's corruption, something has obviously got to change. But I can' t support what you plan to do after that…_

_Putting yourself on trial for war crimes? Really? I get it, I really do; atonement is something I'm working towards as well. But to me, you're already doing that. You're fighting against a corrupt, literally inhuman Fuhrer. You're trying to rise to the top so that you can make this a country for the people. Is that not noble enough for you?_

_Colonel, you're…fuck me. Roy, you're an amazing man. Most people who would want to be Fuhrer would only want the power, the status. You want the position so you can literally abolish it! Don't you think you'd do more for this country staying alive after you achieve your goal, instead of being executed as a war criminal?_

_I know you won't read this, but I'll still make sure you know my thoughts on the matter somehow. You try to protect me, as your subordinate…but now it's my turn to try to protect you from yourself. _

_-Ed_


	39. Chapter 39

_Dear Edward, _

_You caught me in a rather unexpected promise today. Who'd have thought my frugal nature would be used against me? Not that I mind—at least in this instance. _

_I gather you learned a lot from your talk with the Lieutenant. You're holding me hostage for…well, forever, it sounds like. Leave it to you, Ed, to use 520 cens to ensure I succeed and thrive!_

_Though it may sound a bit like I'm complaining, in fact nothing could be further from the truth. While I knew I had your support, what you said today made it feel much more personal. Perhaps I'm reading into things. It is altogether too easy to do so, when our conversations are as veiled as they are. _

_Sometimes I wish I could speak to you with as much freedom as I "write" you. I use quotations, as I don't know if it counts as writing to you if I never send these letters. I've a whole stack, now, all sitting in my desk. In all likelihood, this one will join them soon. _

_Truly, I don't know why it feels so cathartic to address you as I write. I would accomplish just as much (or little) by keeping a journal, but that thought doesn't appeal to me. Even if you'll never lay eyes on these words, I write them thinking of you, and for some reason that means…quite a lot to me. _

_Oh, Edward. If you weren't my subordinate, could I speak to you so candidly? What is it about you that inspires me to let my thoughts out, and yet at the same time makes it so hard to do so in any meaningful way?_

_You're an enigma, Edward Elric. I don't understand what you've done to me, but…well, whatever it is, I find I can be nothing but glad. _

_Yours, _

_Roy_


	40. Chapter 40

_Roy, _

_So, do you want the good news or the bad news first? _

_To be honest, it's mostly bad. The only good thing is that me and Al have made it to Briggs safely. General Armstrong is a hell of a woman! You must already know that, though; she doesn't seem to like you very much. But we met up with Falman, and aside from being assigned busywork, he's perfectly fine. Good to see he's not suffering too badly up here. _

_We discovered something big in Briggs. I know, after all we've already found out, how can there still be more? It feels like our feet just keep getting swept out from under us. _

_This whole country has always been corrupted. It's formed in the shape of a giant transmutation circle, with violent encounters marking the points. Amestris was created in order to make a Philosopher's Stone on a scale a thousand times greater than those that were made in the 5__th__ lab. _

_On the one hand, I guess it's good to know Father's endgame. More or less, we now know what we're up against. But…it feels so dirty to know we've been played for this long. The military has always been used to start battles to create the circle. There never was a noble cause. _

_If we can stop this…you'll be one of the first people ever to do something good with the military. I hope we can make it that far. _

_-Ed_


	41. Chapter 41

_Roy,_

_Everything is so fucked up. Kimblee is more or less running the show up here, now. He's a creepy guy, and he's admitted openly that he's in league with Father. I don't even think he cares what he gets out of the deal—he just likes killing. _

_They know me and Al can't do anything against him, and he's flaunting that in our face. He brought Winry up here just to show off his power. But more than that, he wants me to do his dirty work for him. _

_Kimblee offered me a Philosopher's Stone. And all I had to do to earn it was start a massacre here at Briggs. He's trying to help Father with the last point on his nationwide transmutation circle, and he wants me to sacrifice people so that I can use the Stone to bring me and Al's bodies back. _

_I agreed. _

_Before you freak out, I'm obviously bluffing. I hope Kimblee takes the bait, because it's essential he thinks I'm willing to do what he asked. Some guys up here that are loyal to General Armstrong are going to try to get Kimblee out of the way and prevent the circle from being completed. If Kimblee thinks he can trust me, hopefully we can lure him into a trap. _

_Just following your example, working from the inside. Fingers crossed we can get this psycho out of the picture. _

_-Ed_


	42. Chapter 42

_Dear Edward, _

_As would be expected, I am under constant surveillance. I grow weary of stepping on eggshells, and yet at the same time I cannot deny there is some excitement in it all as well. Like a good chess match, sometimes the most satisfying moves are executed with discretion. _

_Lieutenant Hawkeye is also being watched. Unluckily for our foes, my team can always find a way to communicate covertly. Unluckily for us, what she had to tell me was…disturbing, to say the least. _

_As you are aware, Fuhrer Bradley is a homunculus. It turns out his son, Selim Bradley, is one as well. _

_I was shocked when I decoded her message. If anyone but the Lieutenant (or you yourself) had told me, I would have thought them mistaken. However, I trust her to have nothing but the most up to date and accurate intel. _

_A child homunculus. This Father character is creative, I'll give him that. Who would suspect a kid of being wrapped up in all this? Of being inhuman? _

_That means there's two of them watching me, now. Twice the trouble, but I still like those odds. _

_Yours, _

_Roy_


	43. Chapter 43

_Roy, _

_I screwed up. _

_Somehow, I managed not to think about the fact that we'd have to kill Kimblee until it came right down to it. I've never killed anyone before…and I didn't want to change that. I wanted to be able to render him useless, but I never wanted to take his life. _

_Stupid of me, as it turns out. I hesitated when I had the opportunity to end it all, and Kimblee got away. What's more, I got myself fucking impaled when he blew up a building to escape. _

_It…how am I even supposed to describe that kind of pain? I guess you know, though, from what Lust did to you. Luckily for me, some of Kimblee's ex-henchmen were with me, and they helped me out. Just like you, I had to use alchemy to heal myself. But I don't know fire alchemy, so I couldn't just cauterize my wounds. Instead I drew on my own life force like a Philosopher's Stone, using that as energy to stop the bleeding. _

_I was weak, and I couldn't kill Kimblee. Because of that, I had to take desperate measures to make sure I didn't die. I still don't want to kill people, and if it's avoidable then I won't. But if there's no other choice, I can't hesitate next time. _

_Me and Al got separated, too. Now I'm being treated by a doctor, and because of the conflict with Kimblee I'll have to lie low for a while. They're bound to be looking for me. I don't know when I'll see Al again, or when I'll see you again. _

_I hope it's not too long. _

_-Ed _


	44. Chapter 44

_Dear Edward, _

_I find this particular letter is much harder to write than normal. Of course, I am used to penning my words without thinking you will read them. Yet it is more difficult when the reason is not merely that I won't send them. _

_You're missing. I don't have to tell you that; I don't have to tell you that you're a wanted man, either. That last bit does give me hope—if you were dead, there would be no point in searching for you. Yet it disquiets me to not know at least vaguely where you are, or what condition you find yourself in. To be brief, I am worried for you, Edward. _

_I am quite vexed by that fact. Of course, it is only natural for a superior officer of my caliber to have concern for his team. Yet with everyone else I am having an easier time accepting that they can handle themselves. While I know the same is true for you, it doesn't ease my…sorrows? That is hardly the word to use, and yet it most accurately describes what I feel. I believe you are alive, and still I am plagued with this resounding sadness at the loss of contact. _

_Why? The question echoes around my head, bur repetition does naught to get me closer to an answer. You're just some punk kid, so why do I spend so much time thinking of you? _

_I am not used to being unable to find an answer. When I need information, I hunt it down. But I hesitate to confide these emotions in anyone else. I cannot use my resources. _

_I cannot explain what it is about you, Edward. Of course you would defy logic. _

_Please be safe._

_Yours, _

_Roy_


	45. Chapter 45

_Roy, _

_Being in hiding is so boring. I haven't sat still for so long, I've forgotten what it's like to be taken out of action like this. Sure, I've been hurt before, but never this badly. And I sure haven't been a fugitive before. It's a lot more exciting in stories than it is in reality. _

_Isn't everything?_

_I feel a lot better, so that's something at least. But it's weird to just have Gorilla and Lion to talk to. No, those aren't their names. They're the guys who helped me out, chimeras, and it's a lot more fun to call the by their animal forms than by their names. They get so irritated; it's almost as fun as being a pest to you!_

_Weird, how much I miss getting under your feet. It used to be so simple, even if I thought it couldn't get any harder at the time. Sure would be a hell of a lot easier just to be back on the quest for our bodies, rather than trying to save the whole country! You and me bickering used to be pretty entertaining, even if it got my blood boiling sometimes. But back then, all I had to worry about was you being irritating and looking for a way to enhance alchemy. I'm too young to be wishing for the good old days like this!_

_Really, though, I shouldn't complain. Yes, this is more than anyone would rightly want on their shoulders, but at least now we can try to do something. I may be in hiding at the moment, but when the Promised Day comes, I'll be there to fight. _

_Besides, since those first days of me being in the military, I've learned a lot about you. Used to be you were just the irritating Colonel; now I know how deeply caring you are. I've gained a lot of admiration for you, and a much bigger sense of camaraderie. I still like to get under your skin, but now it's just for kicks. _

_Don't worry, with all this time on my hands, when you next see me I'll have plenty of bothersome comments built up. _

_-Ed_


	46. Chapter 46

_Roy, _

_Is this what it's like to be a normal person? Some part of me enjoys it, but most of me finds all this incredibly dull._

_I went shopping at a little farmer's market today. I'm not gonna lie, I can't even remember the last time I did something like that. Surely when I was little my mom took me and Al shopping, but ever since then it's been either Granny and Winry feeding us or buying food at whatever place in whatever town we happen to be in. It felt so strange to just…get some apples. _

_Do you do this? I know I've been a little spoiled, really, and I'm still young. But I wondered if, being in the military and so busy all the time, if you also just ate at the cafeteria and whatnot. Or do you find time to go out and grab some fresh fish, some nuts, some pie? Do you prefer cake? I don't even know what you like to eat!_

_I'd never bothered asking those sorts of questions before. Why should I care? But I do. When I can come back, when this is all over, maybe I'll ask you in person. _

_Hope you're holding down the fort okay. _

_-Ed_


	47. Chapter 47

_Roy, _

_We've been on the move so much, I'm not even sure where I am anymore. Not far from Youswell, I think. Mostly it's been camping, lately. Easier to hide out when you only make trips into town for supplies. It's kind of rad, camping. When me and Al were learning more about alchemy, our teacher made us stay all alone on an island for a whole month. We had to survive without using alchemy at all, just us versus nature. So this reminds me a lot of that time, and honestly, they're good memories._

_I'm sure you learned very differently! Our teacher was…a little crazy, but that's what made (and makes) her great. She's like family to me and Al. _

_Do you have any family?_

_The air around here must be doing weird things to my brain. I keep wondering little mundane things like that, when I think of you. Like, what am I going to do, walk up to my superior officer and interrogate you about your daily life? But…I want to know. I'm not sure what's got me so curious. _

_I guess it's just, I know every little thing about Al, and the same goes for Winry. And—wow this is fucking bizarre to write—I suppose I've begun to feel so close to you, from these letters I don't even send. So I want to know everything about you, too. _

_Yikes. I need to get back to work, if this is what being idle does to me. _

_-Ed_


	48. Chapter 48

_Dear Edward, _

_I am not a religious man, and yet I can't seem to find a secular phrase that carries the same weight as, "I pray you are doing well." Hopefully, you can understand my meaning. _

_No news has reached me of your whereabouts, which I suppose is a good thing. If I can't find you, perhaps Bradley can't either, which would mean you're safe. Yet I still worry. _

_I had a nightmare the other night, that you were found—well, your body was. You were still up north, and the ice and snow had preserved you, but…you were dead. _

_Though I can't explain it, I know in my heart that's not true. I know you're alive. Just as I am not into faith, I am not much into thinking with my heart instead of my head. It's happening, though, and it's not something I can turn off. Or something I want to turn off. _

_Thoughts of you cross my mind often. I think your absence has gotten me flustered enough to where if I knew where to send this letter, I would. If only to have some contact. You'd think me crazy, reading this, but it would be worth it. I'd rather have you yelling at me about being some old weirdo than have you gone. _

_It is logical to think that you won't emerge from hiding until the Promised Day. After that, it won't matter if you're caught by Bradley (hopefully). And while I dread that day for my country, I can hardly wait until it comes. _

_Yours, _

_Roy_


	49. Chapter 49

_Dear Roy,_

_I've been a dog for so long, I forgot what it was like to be a teenager. I mean, I guess I hadn't actually experienced that, being a teen. Just a normal fucking kid._

_I used to have a lot of nightmares. To be fair, I still do—but I'm having other dreams as well._

_Would you believe me if I said I'd literally never thought about sex before? Like, I just didn't have the damn time. Now I do. And there's so much I want._

_Biggest surprise is…I don't think it's girls. Not that I care, I have enough on my plate without worrying what I'm into, but I didn't expect it. Instead I want to kiss the guy who handed me a newspaper today, the guy with soft looking lips and a crooked smile. I saw a girl in an alley going down on some dude, and I want to try it. Both ways, fuck it. I want to know what it's like to have someone else's hand on me (though my own touch is new enough). And…I think I want you._

_You're in my dreams more than I care to admit. What does that mean? What…is happening to me? I'm sure as hell not gonna ask Lion and Gorilla. But like…why you? Why couldn't I pick someone, anyone else?_

_What would you do if you knew?_

_Time to stop thinking. Fucking hell, I'm glad these letters never get further than my pocket._

_-Ed_


	50. Chapter 50

_Dear Roy, _

_I cannot fucking believe that I wrote that shit down. What in the world came over me? Just putting that to paper was too far._

_Let's pretend that never happened, okay? Just move on. _

_In actually important news, I ran across Greed. Ling. Both, I guess. Greed is in charge most of the time, but he's once again decided he's done with Father. I couldn't get him to agree to fight with us—unless I told him I'd follow him. Which is exactly what I did; it doesn't matter in the end, who's calling the shots (or who thinks he is, ha). All that matters is that we have another person(?) who can and will help on the Promised Day. _

_See, I've been taking a lot of time off, but I'm still out here working on what's important. I've recovered from the injury up north, and if I do say so myself, I'm in tip-top fighting shape. I'm ready for whatever's ahead of us. _

_I hope you are too. Let's do this. _

_-Ed_


	51. Chapter 51

_Dear Edward, _

_The Promised Day is finally almost upon us. As much as I fear what will come of that day, I'm glad the wait is finally over. While I can be a patient man, all this sitting about and twiddling my thumbs has worn me thin. _

_I have concocted a plan with the team, and with support from General Grumman back east. I also anticipate the help of General Armstrong, though I know full well she'll be acting of her own accord. There's no teaming up with that woman; even so, the more force we have, the better. I'd rather her bully her way to the head of the charge than not have her help at all. _

_See, I'm not so egotistical, hmm?_

_Where will you be, in all this? Where will you finally show yourself? I've been trying to predict just that, but you've an almost unreadable mind, Edward. I can't say for sure what you'll do, let alone where or when you'll do it. _

_I do hope I see you. As optimistic as I'm trying to be, in all likelihood we won't all make it through. I could die just as easily as anyone else. Strange as it sounds, I've made my peace with that fact; I plan to uphold my promise to give my life for the good of this country, if necessary. But, should it come to that, I'd like to see your face at least one more time. _

_I'm counting down the hours, Edward. See you soon. _

_Yours, _

_Roy _


	52. Chapter 52

_Dear Roy, _

_This is it, huh? I've started making my way back towards Central, but I had to make a pit stop in Risembool, first. No way was I going into this fight with my automail in anything less than top-notch shape. _

_I…guess it was nice to see Winry? I mean, I haven't had a whole lot of contact with other people for a while now, so it felt great to see anyone I knew. She just didn't react the way I expected her to. _

_Was I an asshole for suggesting she leave the country? Maybe selfish, but I don't think it was a dick move. I just wanted at least one person I care for to be safe, and I could hardly ask you or Al to leave. But she was pissed! Said I had to save the whole country anyway, so it didn't matter if she was in Amestris or not. _

_Like, that's definitely the goal. I hope we can save everyone. But I'm not so arrogant as to think it's a certainty. We could die. We could fail. I don't know what will happen, and I don't think it was fair of her to ask me to promise that everything would be okay. _

_I think being realistic about the odds will actually make me fight harder, and better. Getting cocky or trying to find an easier way out has only ever gotten me and other people hurt. This time I'm going in fully aware of what's at stake, and my own morality. I'm sure you're thinking the same way. _

_No doubt you've got a whole plan cooked up in that head of yours. Hope you remembered to account for me! _

_I can't help thinking it might be kind of weird to see you…after all these months. And, you know…that. But I'm also really excited to be back in the fold. Maybe after the dust settles, I can clear my mind, too. _

_I'm on my way, Roy._

_-Ed_


	53. Chapter 53

_Dear Edward, _

_I had another conversation with General Armstrong today, under the pretense of congratulating her on her recent endeavors. Of course, you won't have heard, but she managed to beat out Major Armstrong and has won herself the honor of being head of the Armstrong family. Can you imagine?_

_In reality, of course, we were finalizing some plans for the Promised Day. She sure is a touchy woman. Inappropriate as it is, given the circumstances, I still couldn't help but enjoy teasing her. _

_General Armstrong reminds me of you, in that regard. You both get riled up so easily, and just have the most hilariously indignant expressions! Don't worry, though, Ed. You're still my favorite. _

_As the hour of reckoning grows ever closer, I…this is going to sound ridiculous. I somehow sense you getting nearer. Of course, every logical part of me knows that's absolute rubbish, and yet I can't rid myself of this lingering feeling. Everything and everyone is coming, for better or worse. _

_I'm waiting. _

_Yours, _

_Roy_


	54. Chapter 54

_Dear Roy, _

_It's not even the fucking Promised Day yet, and I'm already having a hell of a time. Figures. _

_I'm outside Central now, just right on the outskirts of the city in the slums. You'll never guess who I saw there—my dad. He actually wanted to talk to me for once, and damn did he have a lot to say. _

_As it turns out, he knows Father. Originally, Father was a homunculus created by the people of Xerxes (there's a good reason you haven't heard of this place). My dad was the one whose blood was used to create him. Father tricked my dad and the king of Xerxes, and he used the whole nation as a transmutation circle (sound familiar?) to build himself into a living Philosopher's Stone. I guess he felt grateful or something to my dad, because he did the same to him._

_My father…is a Philosopher's Stone. Wrap your head around that one. He actually offered to let me use his Stone to get me and Al's bodies back, but I couldn't accept. Regardless of the form the Stone has taken, it's still made of human souls. And I just can't justify using them for my own gain. I guess it was nice of him to offer, though. _

_As if that wasn't enough, Al came by. Great, right? Wrong. Apparently, Pride is a homunculus that can control shadows, so he was controlling the shadows inside my brother. It was like…it was like Al was a walking, fighting hostage. _

_It was awful. _

_Thankfully, Greedling—that's what I'm calling him/them now—realized it was Pride. Some other old Xingese friends came by to help us fight him, and Gluttony too, when he showed up. The trick is to immerse Pride in total blackness, so there's no shadows for him to control. _

_We had them almost pinned down, when Pride did the most…ugh, disgusting thing. He ate Gluttony. His own brother. I could never. But the whole point was, he absorbed Gluttony's Philosopher's Stone. All that work we'd put in fighting him, and he was recharged just like that. _

_This part is hard to think about. Alphonse came back to himself, thank goodness, and he hatched a plan with my dad. Essentially, Al used himself as bait. And while Pride was distracted, my father closed them both in a dome of solid rock. No shadows in there. _

_Of course, Al is stuck, which sucks beyond belief. I'd just gotten to see him again, after these months, and now he's gone. But it was for a good cause—now Pride can't help Father out. One less person to fight. _

_So…I'm run a little prematurely ragged. Already fighting and already without my brother again. Hopefully we've evened the odds a bit, though. _

_You better have a hell of a welcome party waiting for me. And you'd best let me at least say hello before you do anything crazy. _

_-Ed_


	55. Chapter 55

_Dear Edward, _

_As I write, I am sitting beside Maes's grave. I thought, on this last night before the Promised Day, I owed him a visit. Silly as it sounds—I know the dead can't hear me—I wanted him to know I'm following through on what he was killed for. Maes's death was not in vain, because now we are prepared and ready to fight. Just as he would have wanted. _

_Even though it still hurts to think of him, being here bolsters my resolve. It's one thing to say, "I fight for my country." But it's another to put names to that. Tomorrow I fight for Lieutenant Hawkeye, for Maes's memory and his surviving family, for my team, and…for you. _

_My heart is trembling with a battle anxiety I don't think I've experienced since the beginning of that mess in Ishval. And also with a strength I have never known before. _

_May that strength flow in your veins, too. I'll see you tomorrow, Edward. And again on the other side of all this. _

_Yours, _

_Roy _


	56. Chapter 56

_Dear Roy,_

_We…did it. _

_I literally don't even know where to start. Me and Al have talked and talked until he lost his voice (hasn't used those vocal cords in a while!), and I still can't believe it all. It's over, but I can't stop thinking about that day. I guess, being in the hospital still, I don't have a whole lot else to do but think. _

_That, and I really…well, I know you're in the hospital too, and I haven't seen you. Even if I did, I don't know if I would say all this. But I just want to talk to you about what happened. So, ah…here goes._

_We were fighting those mannequin soldiers underground when you finally came around. I was glad they weren't real homunculi, you know, how they couldn't regenerate? But seeing how many there were, and add that to the fact that they ate people…I wasn't sure we were going to make it out. I'd sealed up the doorway, trying to keep them from getting to the surface. I was ready to die to make sure no one up above got hurt, ready to be beaten before we ever got to Father. _

_And then the doorway exploded. Even before I saw you, I knew you'd done it. Who else, right? And, fuck does it make me sound weird as hell, but I've never been so relieved to hear a voice before. You called me "Fullmetal." Which, duh, you always do, but…I guess since I've been writing these letters using your first name, and not seeing you for so long, made it a surprise to me. I was expecting you to call me "Edward."_

_Either way, you had to show off a little and burnt away the mannequins like they were nothing. Not that I'm complaining—okay, maybe I am. But I'm also grateful. _

_Then Envy showed up. I would say I was as sorry as you to learn he'd killed Hughes, but somehow I think you were a lot worse off than I was. When you were fighting Envy, you had such raw power. It was impressive, __a little hot__, and…scary. That's why, even though you sent me on my way, I had to come back and find you before you killed him. _

_The Lieutenant could see it, and so could I; if you had ended Envy, a part of you would have died, too. And I couldn't lose you, even to yourself. _

_Envy's suicide was better than that, even thought it was still awful. Despite all he'd done, in the end he was just pitiful. Just jealous of us humans. A long time ago, I wouldn't have understood, but now I do; there's so much we have that's worth being jealous of. _

_You and I were together, then, looking through the tunnels to try to find Father. I hope you didn't notice, between the banter, how awkward I felt. Like, my mind has been working against me when it comes to you, and being so close to you after that was…strange. Nice, though. You know, until I was yoinked through a giant eyeball and all. _

_When I was reassembled, Al and my dad and my teacher were all there, too. I was horrified to see Father had managed to gather us sacrifices, but I couldn't help being glad to see everyone. Even though we were in a tough spot, it felt like we still had a chance. Especially because Father was down one sacrifice. _

_Until you reappeared, as well. Blind. Just like with the others, it was good to have you nearby again—I'm a fucking sap—but…the cost. When me and Al tried to transmute our mother and failed, I experienced the ultimate sorrow. Seeing you, having been forced into committing the same sin, was a close second. _

_And with that, Father had what he needed. I thought it was all over, when we saw him in his new body, sitting there. Like God. _

_It was a bit of a surprise that my dad was the one to break the spell of hopelessness. When he managed to free the souls of Amestris, so they could go back to their bodies…knowing that everyone outside the circle was okay, in that moment, made me feel like there was still something worth fighting for. _

_So I did. You all went a different way, while I handled Pride. In the end, he wasn't so different from Envy. In fact, I wonder if, deep down, all the homunculi wanted nothing more than to be human. In a sense, Pride will get to do that. Using my energy, I broke him down until—just like Envy with his true form—he was nothing but a little baby. Harmless. Hopefully, he'll have a better go the second time around. _

_Of course it wasn't over. There was still Father to contend with. Even without the souls of Amestris, he was still too much. We were giving him everything we had, and none of it fazed him. _

_It was pretty ingenious, you using the Lieutenant as your eyes so you could rejoin the fight. Side note, it is so damn unfair that you now have flame alchemy and you don't need transmutation circles. It's a good thing you're, ya know, a good dude, or you'd be way too fucking overpowered. _

_With all that, wearing Father down…he lost the power of God. But the explosions threw us all about, and I got stabbed through the only arm I had left. Truly, I thought we were done for at that point. Luck had finally given up on our band of heroes. _

_Then Al swoops in and saves the day. _

_I…was so angry. At Al for risking his soul for my stupid arm, at us for ever getting into this mess, and at Father. Conveniently, he was right there for me to take it all out on. _

_Wish I could say that rage was enough, that I finally took down Father with my skill, but really Greed's the one we should all be thanking. His unexpected willingness to die for the cause was the only reason Father could be destroyed. Funny, I didn't think I'd be missing a homunculus, but I'll never forget him. I know Ling won't either. _

_For everyone else, that was it. It was over. But for me, it wasn't. I had to save Al._

_I'll say one thing for Father; he gave me the answer to the problem of my brother's body. If it weren't for him using us, I'd never have thought of the idea that we each have our own Gate of Truth, let alone that I could give mine up. _

_And that's exactly what I did. I gave up my Gate, and therefore my alchemy, in order to get Al's body back—couldn't get my leg, but hell, that's not a big deal. At least he'd gotten me my arm. _

_It's hard, because…well, all I've ever been is an alchemist. That's ended now. But it was beyond worth it for my little brother to be truly alive again. _

_Now, though…well, once we are discharged, we'll be heading back to Risembool. My time as a dog of the military is over. I don't know if I'm glad or not. If I could still be a State Alchemist, with the new regime…well, I'll never know what I'd have chosen. As it is, I'll have to find some other path to follow. _

_It is sad to think I won't get to work with you anymore. Without that, I…won't really have a reason to talk to you in person. And that's aside from the fact that I'll be in a totally different town. I've been trying not to think about it; the idea makes me more upset that I care to admit. _

_At the very least, I'll stop by to say goodbye when we're on our way out. I couldn't bear not to do that._

_-Ed_


	57. Chapter 57

_Dear Edward, _

_You've gotten taller. _

_I know, I know, there are far more important things to discuss, but I can't help, even in unsent letters, but tease you a little. _

_You may be wondering exactly how I'm writing this, considering I'm blind now. Truth be told, I'm not so much writing as I am dictating. Lieutenant Hawkeye is doing the real pen work. Of course, some things I've said—and others I have yet to say—may be considered unsavory, but I trust her to be discrete. _

_Every day that passes feels less real than the last. It seems like it's been an eternity since life felt normal, and now I doubt I'll ever return to quite that same frame of mind I used to inhabit. Not that that's a bad thing, but it does take some adjustment. _

_The Promised Day keeps playing in my mind like a movie. I've been in battles before, never with the stakes so astoundingly high, but even so. It's not the fight that I can't get over—it's you. _

_Let's start from that morning, shall we?_

_I kidnapped Mrs. Bradley. It sounds so crass when put that way! In reality, she did serve as an insurance policy, but we were also doing her a favor. I'm sure you've heard by now, when we were attacked by that first wave of soldiers, they were ordered to kill everyone but me. That included the Fuhrer's wife. I'd suspected as much, but I'm sure for her that was devastating. She immediately wondered if the country had turned its back on her husband, or whether he'd turned his back on her. It struck me, how quickly she considered that unsavory possibility. Mrs. Bradley seemed to have less confidence in her husband's devotion than I have confidence in you. _

_Throughout the confrontation with the Central soldiers, we were trying so hard not to kill anyone. In hindsight, and from an outsider's view, that was merely a move to ensure we could not be villainized. While we did stretch the truth a little to keep public opinion on our side, in all truthfulness, we just couldn't kill any more innocents. Yes, the other soldiers were attacking us…but to them, we were the ones in the wrong. They couldn't be blamed for trusting their superior officers. _

_Once the team had the situation aboveground in hand (many thanks to the officers at Briggs), I headed underground, as you well know. Meeting up with you was…like a puzzle being put together. As strange as it may sound, I wasn't surprised at all to see you refusing to be cowed by the sheer number of mannequins you were up against. It's just like you, Ed, to completely ignore the odds stacked against you. That's just one thing I admire about you. Though, I was glad I could intervene before you were eaten. _

_What happened next…well, it wasn't one of my finer moments. When Envy arrived, and eventually divulged the truth about Maes's death—I know, I lost it completely. I was just filled to the point of overflowing with grief and rage. Maes being gone is still a raw wound, and I snapped._

_(The Lieutenant has just pointed out my unintentional pun)_

_I will forever be immensely grateful that you came back to stop me from losing myself. You and Lieutenant Hawkeye. Scar as well, I supposed. What really brought me back to reality was when I threatened to let you burn with Envy, if that's what it took. I…that is a shame I will carry with me the rest of my life, Edward. I hope you know that in my right mind, I would never hurt you. But hearing myself go so completely against my true wishes, coupled with the encouragement from you and the Lieutenant, put me in my place. Thank you, for not letting me give in to the temptation of revenge. _

_And you know what? Envy still died. It didn't make me feel any better about Maes being gone. So I am doubly glad I didn't become a monster. _

_Afterwards, when we were wandering the tunnels beneath Central in search of Father, I couldn't help being happy despite the dire situation. It was so good to see and speak to you once more. I'm embarrassed to admit, I couldn't help but—well, no. I'll get to that later. _

_We came to meet not Father, but the leftover Bradley candidates and that bizarre doctor. I thought we could take them, until he activated that transmutation circle and you were swallowed up. I'm not sure if you remember, but…you were screaming. Regardless of my atheism, I swear to God my heart stopped when you disappeared. After all the talk of sacrifices, I thought you were gone entirely. _

_The shock was enough for them to get the upper hand on us. The Lieutenant, as you know, was almost killed in an attempt to get me to perform human transmutation. If I hadn't met you, and hadn't seen how awful it was for you to commit that taboo…if I didn't know how disappointed you would be in me if I did choose to do it…I may have. Luckily, I didn't need to make that decision; the interference of two of our chimera friends and that lovely Xingese girl saved Lieutenant Hawkeye and let us gain a second wind. _

_If only it could have lasted. _

_That blasted homunculus, Pride, surprised us all. I knew Selim was merely a farce, but it was still jarring to be held captive by a child. He pinned me down, ripping right through my hands, and formed his shadows into the transmutation circle I most dreaded…_

_I'd never considered how terrifying the Gate would have been to you, until I unwittingly experienced it myself. And I'm so sorry you had to go through that at such a young age, Edward. _

_Coming out the other side, it was a relief to hear your voice. Much less of a relief was the fact that I couldn't see. It's still hard, now, but then…I felt like I do when it rains. Useless. _

_I could hear Father activating the transmutation circle, and I could feel him using us. The experience was that much more horrific for my absolute lack of readiness. Each new sound, each new feeling, was unexpected. And I could do nothing about it. _

_Happy as I was to hear Hohenheim reveal his counter-plan, and to know that everyone was still going to put up a fight, I was also so overwhelmed. How was I to be a meaningful part of that, if I couldn't even see who I was supposed to be aiming for?_

_The Lieutenant once again came to the rescue, then. By using my newfound freedom from having to use transmutation circles, and her eyes, I could still help. It's a good thing I trust her so entirely, otherwise I would have been much too concerned about the possibility of hitting you instead of Father to do anthing. _

_However, with the loss of one of my senses, it was hard to tell how the battle was going. I was thrown back when Father started to come undone, but after that…I heard you screaming. A lot. Sometimes you sounded like you were in pain, and sometimes the sound was full of anger. And all I could do was sit there, silently hoping your strength would be enough. _

_I didn't realize Alphonse had gone until Father was dead. Your anguish was so raw, so real…I thought it would tear me in two. I couldn't even feel victorious. Of course, I should have known you would find a way to turn it all around. You always do, Edward. _

_Words cannot express how ecstatic I am that you've managed to get Al's body back, and your arm to boot. I suppose asking for your leg as well would have been too much, but all things considered, I think you came out on top this time. _

_It's strange, knowing you're in the same hospital as me. Here we are, under the same roof, and yet still separated by circumstance. _

_Now. Back to you being taller._

_The truth hit me like a train, when I saw you fighting those mannequins. Never could there have been a more inopportune time, but I couldn't help what I saw. You'd gotten taller, and bulkier. Even through that red coat you insist on wearing, I could tell how much you'd muscled up. I hadn't seen you in months, I'd been longing for your company, and then you show up looking more mature. And more attractive. _

_I cannot see her, but I could feel the Lieutenant's glance when I said that. Yes, I meant it. Attraction. _

_All the times I'd wished I could see you, the worry I held deep within for your safety, my inexplicable desire to speak to you, the way I trusted you so inherently…it all made sense, then. It took physically seeing you again to realize, but—I have feelings for you, Edward. _

_A bittersweet realization, considering you'll be leaving for Risembool soon. Now that I understand what has drawn me to you so, you must away again. Deep down I doubt I'd have the courage to act on my emotions, but it is still disheartening to know I'll not have the chance to hold you in my arms. _

_I do hope you won't leave without saying goodbye. At least do your foolish superior that much. _

_Ever yours, _

_Roy _


	58. Chapter 58

_Dear Roy,_

_Listen, I'm glad and all to be leaving for home with Al in tow, but it high key fucking sucked to say goodbye to you._

_You were…don't judge me, alright, but you were kinda cute. Sitting there in your hospital garb. For once you seemed gentler, less full of bluster than usual. It was nice._

_I was sad, though, the way your eyes couldn't quite meet mine as we talked. They were always looking blankly just a little to my left. It's strange to think you'll never see what I look like with two real arms._

_You sounded pretty upbeat, though, for which I'm glad. Leave it to you to not let a little thing like lack of sight hinder you. I'm glad to hear the military's going to let you be in charge of rebuilding Ishval; I can't think of a better man for the job._

_I will miss you something terrible, though. Before, I knew leaving you would suck, but I didn't anticipate the very real ache I got in my chest when we finally said goodbye. You shook my hand, but I wanted to hug you._

_Don't get me wrong. I'm…beyond thrilled to be able to have a normal life, to have Al back. I just wish you could be a part of that, too. I don't know what I mean by that, but…I mean it._

_It's a little scary to think, with all the time I'm going to have on my hands, I might be able to work out why I feel so tingly around and about you. What if I don't like the answer?_

_I sure as hell won't be sending you all the letters I wrote like this—they're just too weird. But maybe I'll write you a normal letter, once we make it back home. It would be nice to keep in touch; I just hope you feel the same._

_Don't you go and forget me._

_-Ed_


	59. Chapter 59

_Dearest Edward,_

_It was lovely to have you stop by before you left for Risembool. Of course, life can never align quite perfectly, and I find myself wishing you'd waited just a few more days to head out._

_You'll never guess who stopped by yesterday—Dr. Marcoh. For all the world, I'd never have expected him to still have a Philosopher's Stone, or for him to propose healing me with it._

_I hope you won't be upset to know I accepted his offer. I did ask him to give Havoc back the use of his legs, first, and then I allowed the doctor to do his work on me. While I understand why you wouldn't use a Philosopher's Stone to fix your own body, I couldn't bring myself to refuse. The souls of the Ishvalans inside that Stone would never return to a body again, and in my mind the only way to free them would be to use their energy. Given that I intend to devote myself fully to restoring their country, I felt justified in bringing my sight back._

_That means if you had just stayed in Central a bit longer, I could have actually seen you one last time. Even now, with you long gone, I'm dying to look on your face again._

_I will confess, your absence has hit me harder than it should. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and in my case that seems to be rather unfortunately true. I already miss you terribly, but I understand that you've a real life to lead now. It would be selfish of me to ask you to return._

_As much as it pains me to be away from you, I hope your fresh start yields you nothing but utmost happiness._

_Ever yours,_

_Roy_


	60. Chapter 60

_Dear Roy,_

_So. This is what peace feels like. I…think I enjoy it._

_Every morning I wake up, and that dread that's been inside me for so long is gone. How long will it take for me to get used to this new life? I do feel a little empty, without the fuel that's kept me going for the longest time. But it's not a bad sort of empty; rather it just reminds me that I can now fill myself with joy and hopes untainted by guilt. I get to build a whole new life, almost, and that's…exhilarating._

_Risembool has always been a calm little town, and it's not changed since me and Al left. Now, though, it seems to me that there's more mirth. In the years since he's last had a body, I'd almost forgotten what my brother's laugh sounded like. It might be one of the best sounds in the world. He's still regaining his muscle mass, and he's got a long way to go before he's 100% better, but he's improving so quickly._

_Winry and Granny are overjoyed to have us back, too. Personally, I think they're taking advantage of having a strong young man in the house again—kidding. A little. I know they're happy to feel like a family once more. I am, too._

_Now, all this satisfaction isn't to say I don't miss you. I do, and I think about you a lot. Mostly I wonder if everything is going as well for you as it is for us. Post-Promised Day, are you this happy? I sure hope so._

_You're heading back east, to Ishval. Maybe you're there already. If anyone can fix that mess, Roy, it's you. Good luck—and don't forget, I still owe you some money, so don't do anything dumb._

_-Ed_


	61. Chapter 61

_Dearest Edward,_

_My apologies for not writing sooner, but…well, as you'd expect given the upheaval of the Promised Day, the military has been nothing short of a train wreck. Having been in the hospital, I was thankfully spared the worst of it, but there are still more than a few things to work out._

_General Grumman, as I've sure you've heard, has taken over as Fuhrer. I'm not sure how he managed to wrangle that privilege away from General Armstrong, but I must say I'm happy with the development. I couldn't have expected to be granted the honor just yet, and Grumman is much more likely to allow me to maneuver into a position to be his successor than General Armstrong would have been._

_That being said (and perhaps you haven't heard this bit), I am already closer to ruling this country than I could have dreamed of being by this point. The Fuhrer promoted me—which, after the fight we put up, he basically had to do—straight to General! I wasn't expecting to go up that many ranks, but I'm not complaining. General Roy Mustang. It's got a nice ring to it, don't you think?_

_Grumman becoming the Fuhrer also opened up the position back east, so it's doubly perfect for me. Until the day when I can rise to his position, I'm focusing on rebuilding Ishval. The first task, of course, is to restore the countryside with the remaining Ishvalans, and to grant them their independence back. It's not a simple task, but a noble one. At the very least, it will keep me busy and allow me to begin making amends for the past._

_Still. Busy or not, I should be polite enough to make time to write you more often (I certainly find more than enough time to think of you!), so I will do my best in that regard._

_Ever yours,_

_Roy_


	62. Chapter 62

_Dear Roy,_

_It's been, what, three months since the Promised Day? I can hardly believe it! The days are flying by in the most pleasant blurs._

_I think my favorite thing about being back in Risembool is the food; Alphonse certainly agrees! He had so many things on his list of foods to eat upon getting his body back, and we've been trying them all. Sure beats the "cuisine" I was accustomed to in the military!_

_Being able to focus on such simple a simple pleasure is fascinating. I'd like to think I'm adjusting reasonably well to normal life. Sometimes I do forget that I can't use alchemy anymore; every once in a while, I'll clap and expect something to happen. That can be a little hard to swallow—alchemy was such a huge part of my identity—but still, worth it a thousand times over. Now I'm able to discover and grow as a person without leaning on alchemy as a personality trait._

_If that's my biggest obstacle, then I'm grateful._

_Word is that you've been making big changes already with Ishval. Everyone's saying good things (aside from some asinine racists, but I either ignore or punch them, so). I'm glad you're putting your status and your abilities into something worthwhile. In my head, you're extremely satisfied with yourself and your work; no doubt, that's perfectly true._

_Maybe I'll stop by and see you sometime._

_-Ed_


	63. Chapter 63

_Dearest Edward,_

_You have taken, lately, to infiltrating my dreams. While I'm not surprised by your persistence, it is frustrating. I find that I don't get much rest, with your face haunting my nights._

_I don't mean to sound as though I'm complaining; I'm not exactly upset about this latest development. In some ways, I welcome sleep knowing it will bring me closer to you for a few sweet hours. Only upon waking, I feel such loss…and only a frankly concerning amount of caffeine cures the lingering drowsiness._

_With the work I'm trying to accomplish, one cannot afford to be anything less than awake._

_We've successfully rounded up most (if not all) of the Ishvalans that have been wandering Amestris since the war. Thankfully, they are a reasonable people; while they are not happy with the past, we've had minimal trouble presenting them with a second chance. Of course, there are dissenters who believe this is nothing more than a trap. Frankly, though, when I go to talk to their leaders, the haunted look in my eyes convinces them that I've nothing but pure intentions._

_Now comes the part of developing the nation once more. Only when the Ishvalans are self-sufficient can they truly be an independent people again. That's no small task, but we are starting the process._

_So, can you see why I desperately need my sleep?_

_Why is, then, that I've started to long for those unconscious hours that I know will yield little energy? Try as I might to forget everything else in favor of my work, I cannot be rid of you, Ed. Even without being here physically, you manage to make a pest of yourself!_

_And of course, I mean that in the most affectionate way possible._

_Ever yours,_

_Roy_


	64. Chapter 64

_Dear Roy,_

_I…did something embarrassing yesterday._

_See, as little as I like to remember, when I was in hiding after attacking Kimblee I had some time to myself, and you featured heavily in my thoughts back then. Now that I once again find myself with an abundance of time, you've been creeping more and more into the forefront of my mind. In more than one way. Ahem._

_Alchemy may have been easy for me to understand, but these kinds of thoughts sure aren't. I'm in no way equipped to sort this shit out. Both of my parents are gone, and I sure as hell won't be talking these things through with Granny. Winry—I think she might beat me senseless if she knew. She's got a little bit of a thing for me, and I kindly (awkwardly) explained that she was more of a sister to me._

_Sooooo…I told Al._

_Why is it that he's the younger brother, yet I'm going to him for advice!? As it turns out, though, he was pretty helpful. Not to spill all his personal business, but having just gotten a body back, he's also experiencing a lot of these things for the first time._

_Anyway, he reckons I'm gay. Okay, duh, that much I could figure out myself. Al says I think you're hot—also something I already knew. But he also says I'm attracted to you, like, as a person._

_Is that what this feeling is? I suppose it makes sense, given the fact that I literally can't keep you off my mind. Having an explanation doesn't make anything better, though. You were my boss, you're older than me, you're probably straight, you live miles and miles away…should I go on? I couldn't have picked a worse person to have a crush on._

_How do I make it stop?_

_-Ed_


	65. Chapter 65

_Dearest Edward, _

_Not so long ago, I wrote that in your case, distance has definitely made my heart grow fonder. A part of me hoped that, just to make things easier, time would do the opposite. Unfortunately, time and distance seem to only be working together to make my heart ache for you ever more. _

_Normally, I'm the type of person to face a problem like this head on. If I can't get you out of my mind, the logical thing to do is make a move. Yet…I know you've only recently gotten back to life in Risembool, where you belong. You just got your brother back. Much as I long to do so, it wouldn't be right of me to come into your quaint life once more and interject myself. _

_For your sake, I must find another way to persevere. Perhaps I can learn to be satisfied with my fond memories of you. Perhaps eventually I'll stop missing you so much it makes my chest tighten. _

_In the meantime, I'll just continue in my typical fashion, and throw myself into the job even more. Lieutenant Hawkeye says I need to take some time off to sort myself out, but I know that would only tempt me further to pursue you. _

_Oh, Ed. I hope you are faring better than I am. _

_Ever yours, _

_Roy _


	66. Chapter 66

_Dear Roy, _

_Turns out, me and Al aren't really suited for a simple life. I guess having had a taste of adventure has ruined us; we can't just sit still all day. Alphonse has been developing some really interesting alchemical theories. He thinks there may be a way for me to get my alchemy back, if he can prove and implement some of those ideas. As for me, well, I support him. But I don't believe it's possible. Even if it is, I refuse to keep the cycle of my life going. _

_I've reached a resting point. I'm, for the most part, content. I won't go looking for a solution when I don't need one. _

_That being said, I have found acquiring knowledge of other sorts to be an incredibly pleasant pastime. Guess I was just born more of a scholar than anything else. Recently, I've been reading a lot about societal psychology. Makes me sound like a nerd, but it's fascinating. _

_Honestly, I think some of the books would be helpful for you in your Ishvalan endeavors. Or maybe I'm just desperate for a reason to contact you. _

_I thought I'd get over you, but my head and my heart refuse to move on. What am I supposed to do, though, walk into your office and tell you I've been dying to kiss you? Not that I'm a stranger to making a fool of myself, but even I'm not that wild. _

_Al's all in support of the idea, but he's a little more idealistic than I am. He thinks it would go fine, but…I'm just not willing to risk it. Because either Al is right, or he's wrong. And if he's wrong…I can't stand the idea of seeing your face all grossed out by my advances. _

_So. Nothing but the books for me, then. I'll force myself to be satisfied with that. _

_-Ed_


	67. Chapter 67

_Dearest Edward, _

_You've done it. You've finally worn me down, beaten my more logical impulses in favor of emotional ones. _

_I can no longer pretend that my feelings for you will disappear, no more than I can continue to deny them a future. At the very least, I must confess to you or else I think I'll go quite mad. _

_I've penned another letter, one that Lieutenant Hawkeye is on her way to deliver to the post office as I write. That one is addressed to you properly, and unlike the countless others I have stuffed away in my desk, you'll read it. In an attempt to keep some of my dignity, I did refrain from baring all to you in ink alone. Instead, I decided to invite you here for a visit. Seeing you in person, I figured, will either cure me of my romantic notions, or let me act on them. Only time will tell. _

_So. I suppose I no longer have any need to continue this series of letters. It's strange; my imagined writings to you have been a comfort for so long, letting them go is a little painful. _

_Hopefully, though, I'll just be replacing these with something infinitely better. With bated breath, I await your response, Ed. Don't keep me waiting too long. _

_Ever yours, _

_Roy _


	68. Chapter 68

_Dear Roy, _

_Wow. After all this time, pining after you in my head, imagine how surprised I was to find you'd written me! And to ask if I'd come and pay a visit to you…_

_Needless to say, I'm about to hop on a train to do just that. It helps that Alphonse is leaving as well; like I mentioned, he's been investigating some alchemical ideas, and he is traveling to Xing to try to see what he can dig up. I'll miss the little fucker terribly, but just knowing he's out there really living life is enough to comfort me. Besides, his quest made it easier to say yes to you. _

_Not that I said yes. How dramatic can you be, Roy? "If you intend to accept my offer of hospitality, there's no need to write. Just make sure to arrive at the Eastern Station on April 21__st__. I'll be waiting as a welcome party. If not, well…be happy, Edward." Probably I'm just imagining things, but it sure sounds like the setup to the conclusion of a bad romance novel. _

_Still, you asked for it, so I didn't write you a confirmation. I'm just going to arrive. _

_I have butterflies. Can you believe, after all that I've done, the idea of just seeing you again has got me all nervous? Really, as much as I sound like I'm fussing, I'm quite excited. _

_The train's pulling in, so I've got to get going. Cheesy as it is, I hope you're waiting with flowers or something. If you had to plan this reunion to be all dramatic, you might as well go all in, right?_

_Here we go. See you in a few hours, Roy. _

_Yours, _

_Ed_


	69. Chapter 69

Edward finished reading through Roy's letters before his counterpart did. He couldn't keep the smile off his face as he watched Roy taking in Ed's last letter, his lips silently forming the words on the page. There had been more notes than Edward had expected; looking away for a moment, it was to find that the sliver of sky visible between the closed curtains in their living room had turned dark as night fell.

When he turned back, Roy was staring at him as well, with tears brimming up in his beautiful black eyes. Seeing that, Ed suddenly had to hold back tears of his own. Neither one spoke for a moment, before Roy lifted a hand to brush away the wetness now falling to his cheeks, breaking the spell of silence as he did so. "I wasn't waiting with flowers. Do you remember? It was some sweet buns from an Ishvalan bakery."

With those simple words, Ed was taken back to that day when he'd gotten off the train at Eastern Station to find Roy waiting for him. There had been so many people, and yet it had been all too simple to find the man he was looking for amongst the crowd. Edward nodded, grinning so wide he felt like his cheeks might split. "I remember. You were sitting on that bench, with your eyes closed. I only knew you were awake because you were tapping your foot, like you were impatient. Which, you didn't have any reason to be—I was on a pretty early train!"

Roy laughed at that, reaching out grasp Edward's hand. "It wasn't that I was impatient—I was _anxious_. I had no idea if you were even going to come, let alone what time, and—well, I was so excited to see you, but so afraid to at the same time!"

"I know what you mean." Ed had been terrified, when he had seen that Roy really was waiting for him. He'd almost hopped right back on the train to go back to Risembool. Little had he known, back then, that he'd _never _leave.

All was quiet for a minute, the two men lost in their reflections. Once again, it was Roy who spoke first. "I can't believe, all that time…we were always traveling towards each other. I always thought I'd been pining after you much longer than you had me, but from your letters it sounds like you fancied me before you even knew it."

Rolling his eyes, Edward nevertheless agreed. He'd had much the same thought. "Imagine my surprise! You knew you had feelings for me before I'd even accepted that I found you attractive. I can't believe how easy it was for you, to just _know_ what your emotions meant."

Again, Roy chuckled. "Well, you were young. Besides, you seemed much more reluctant to embrace your emotions in general. I, on the other hand, had more than enough to deal with without also suppressing how I felt about you."

Edward ignored the comment on his age—he thought his life experiences more than made up their age gap, thank you very much. Instead, he squeezed Roy's hand as he replied. "Well, I'm glad you gave in and made the first move. I probably would have gone ages bottling up my emotions and being all bitter because of it."

"It was a gamble," Roy admitted, a smile dancing across his face. "But my gambles usually do pay off."

Unable to help himself, Ed groaned. "It's been three years since then, Roy. Amazing how you haven't learned any humility at all."

"You love it."

"Correction—I love _you_."

Despite the dim lighting provided by the lamp across the room, Roy's eyes seemed to glimmer at Ed's words. Though they professed their love often, it seemed delving into the past and reliving the early days had made him more emotional. "And I love you, Edward. More than anything."

"Don't get all sappy now." Ed averted his gaze slightly, trying to keep his own eyes from misting over. He wasn't immune to what he'd read in Roy's letters, and his emotions were running quite high as well.

"Ed…" _That _brought him back to attention. Roy's tone was hesitant, and the man was biting his lower lip like he wanted to say something but couldn't quite let it out. After a deep breath, he forced himself to go on, "There is something I should tell you."

Not a sentence that usually bodes well. Edward felt his gut tighten, his eyebrows draw together. Unthinkingly, he released Roy's hand and instead grasped the end of his ponytail, twisting the hair. It was a tic of his he'd developed as his hair grew, and he just couldn't help it with how nervous Roy's words had suddenly made him. "What is it…?" he asked, apprehension coloring his tone.

"Nothing bad!" Roy reassured him, holding his hands up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, I just—well, you—oh, fuck it! I'll be right back."

And with that, Roy jumped up from the couch they'd both been seated on, disappearing down the hallway towards their bedroom. Despite the man's attempts at soothing Ed, he wasn't feeling at all comforted. Normally a confident and frankly smooth person, it wasn't like Roy to be unable to just come out and say what was on his mind. What could he be doing back there…?

Edward almost gave into his nosy nature and followed Roy, but before he could even rise the other man was back, holding another small piece of paper in his hand. Roy tugged at his shirt collar (ridiculous, considering he'd already loosened it upon settling in for the night), holding the paper out to him like an offering. "There is _one_ more letter I have for you, Ed."

Curiouser and curiouser. Only slightly hesitant, Edward took the little square from Roy. The other man sat down heavily, twiddling his thumbs round and round and Ed unfolded the paper and read its contents.

.

_Dearest Edward, _

_Such time has passed since I last wrote to you in this way, such happy time! You've long since become a part of my life, and normally I am free to say whatever it is that comes to mind to your face. You are easy and pleasant to talk to, and yet in this case I find myself reverting back to old habits. Despite my best efforts, I am entirely unable to muster up the courage to do what must be done. _

_I am deeply in love with you, Edward Elric. You know this, you've heard me say it, but I wonder if you could ever truly know the depths of my feelings for you. _

_Perhaps this is just another letter that will never be touched by your hands. But in case I never can say it to your beautiful face, I will say it here: no one and nothing in my life could ever replace you. You are my sunlight, my joy. And I want you to be mine forever. _

_I don't know if you're the marrying type, and for a long time I didn't think I was. This isn't the first time you've taught me something about myself, Ed! For I know now I would be the happiest man on Earth if I were to be your husband. _

_That may never come to pass, but seeing the words in writing takes some weight off my chest. Regardless of my future bravery (or lack thereof), this will serve as proof of my undying love for you, Edward. _

_Eternally yours, _

_Roy_

_._

Ed could scarcely believe what he'd just read. Barely reaching the end, his gaze shot up to look Roy in the eyes. Once more the older man looked on the verge of tears as he smiled helplessly. "Are…are you proposing to me?" Edward asked, the words foreign but not unwelcome.

"You are my everything," Roy replied simply. "Reading your letters and remembering how hard I fell for you just reinforced how I feel. I want you to be mine and only mine. Officially and forever." Shifting his weight, Roy continued, speaking quickly as though now that he'd started, he couldn't get the words out fast enough. "I don't have a ring, but…yes, Ed. I'm proposing to you. Would you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Laughter, sheer, exuberant laughter, burst out of Edward like the cork from a bottle of champagne. "Obviously I will—was it really that hard to ask?"

Roy might have responded, but Ed was too busy strangling him with a hug to make out the words. Engaged. They were engaged. The two men kissed, and Edward couldn't tell if it was his tears or Roy's that wet his lips. Probably both. He'd have to tell Granny, and Teacher, and Winry, and Al, and—but all that could wait.

For the moment, Ed just focused on his now betrothed, being sure to keep the letter of proposal safe in his grasp. Of all the words they'd written each other, these were surely the most important, and he'd treasure them for the rest of his days.

* * *

**Aaand we've reached the end! I hadn't originally planned for the last chapter to include a proposal, but the idea of Roy having one last letter to Ed was too cute for my cheesy brain to ignore. **

**Hope you all liked it, and thanks for reading!**


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